im just plain busy to update in school .
it is really stressing when i dont even understand th problem of th day .
it sucks a hell time when there is too many theory .
molding processes , causes and prevention of defects . wth !
im not in th mood .
dawn is super slow and it is going to consume my time to go tpy later .
which means ill end later .

currently , im on th phone with my friend .
yeah , its really saddening upon listening to what she have shared to me .
things really got out hand ya .
but th best solution is to meet up and talk things out .
to reveal someone's weakness is never good .
moreover , someone whom you regard as your bestfriend before .
so why bother ?
if you wanna spit out people's weaknesses , why dont you spit out yours too ?
come on , the world is revolving .
if you said about someone , they will start talking about you sooner .
so dont , always be nice but never be a hypocrite .
so please , whatever dispute that you have , clear it out nicely .
and even if you want to talk about it in your blog , never reveal names .
because you are just revealing your weaknesses .
what th point ?

so what i used to have big tiff with her ?
but that doesnt mean that i hate her . whats th point of hating ?
and i will always be there as a friend , fo everyone .
grow up lahh .
okay ? goooo .

ouhokay , who ever that claimed to be MIRAHMEY .
well , i will never know if you are who im referring to but please be sure , i aint have anything to go against you . if i cant have any say in this blog , i would have shut it off . define blog fo me ; well , i think that blog is where you pour out every single shit of your emotion . so if im never in th mood and yet i pretend to be such a pretender , i think i am th one who should fly a kite . but look , this is my space and i have th right to say anything that i wish to . and its good that you have waken up to your senses that im not stating any names here ; so its good that you are not making any assumptions .
and hell no , i am never referring this to your sister . ouh whoever lah okayy .
but i guess you missed out some of th words while reading it . didnt i mention mid 19th century ? and if this is not mirahmey , then who ? she have removed her blog . and , she is not of th same age as me . and i didnt even ask you to buy assessment books or dictionary . why does it pissed you off so much ? do you actually feel a pinch on your skin ?
and did i mention that my parents didnt care fo me ? what makes you think im referring this to my mother ? ouh gosh that is so shallow of you .
there is no vivid evidence of having mirahmey reading my blog .
and th best part is , you know that i did tutoring .
list me th specific subject that im teaching .
do i say that i teach english ?

you may think that you are not spamming , but i think you are . and i dislike it .
thanks fo th comments though , i appreciate that .
too bad that i know who is visiting my blog .
so yeah , get going and stop tagging .
i think you should keep whatever that you have read here to yourself .
thank you fo your cooperation . very muc appreciated .
take care and have a good day yea darlinf :D

to those whom it may concern .
should you come online , i hope you get this message .
i really did not know how am i supposed to reach out to you now .
and i hope you would call me when you have read this .
its 10 + ady and im still not home yet .
reason wise ; i need to meet up with you badly .
and its like so obvious i need you lah kann .
i just couldnt get through .
tell me what should i do now ?
please get back to me as soon as possible .
thank you very much .

monday blues .
lesson is average , just too many theory to absorb in such a humid day .
im never hungry in school , a bread a day will do .
ive been craving fo yong tau fu in school since holidays but i cant see myself eating it now .
prolly , due to depression and unnecessary thoughts that come by naturally .
ouh , whatever .

this may just be a random one ; but this is fo who that it may concern alright .
to those who felt a pinch on their skin , im sorry because you can never make suc primary assumptions when your name is not literally stated in here .

well , i dont feel like going out with you because i dont think i should go to suc places in th first place . when i come to think about it again , you have been th essential resource that makes my life be like an aftermath now . so whats more now ? well , maybe its due to th fact that you did not get suc priviledges like i do now , dont you ? that makes you went uncivilized enough without thinking of how others would feel . when no one is against it , you would be th only one who is going against me . so whats th objective of it ? too bad that you are born in th mid 19th century , where dad is so strict in letting you out . but now , lets look on th 20th century . are you expecting me to be like you when you are severely tortured , unable to finish your education because you need to help mom with selling pastries ? you are just so illiterate that makes you not understand about th world today . go get a dictionary or a digital one with you wherever you go . and please write sentences down before you speak , please get all your gramma , vocabulary and structure right okay . should you need any help , im willing to purchase an assessment book fo you . or maybe you can use your child's book . everything have to start from th scratch .
this issue has been recurring over and over again , and i swear im really shagged dwelling about suc pointless issue .
i think you should go fly a kite and try to reach th sky . maybe you will know how hard life could be like in this world .
read it carefully bitches ((:

being so envious with someone ? i think you should go on and start learning character development first and build up on your own confidence . now thats when you know where you stand in this unconventional world .

as ive promised , im back fo another update .
you see , when im at home , i can blog twice to thrice a day . can you just imagine how suck my life is at home ? mother is away to sister's house , AGAIN . and i have to sleep alone , AGAIN .
anws , i slept fo only two hours and i only woke up when i received a missed call from him .
i have been trying realll hard to sleep okay , its not that i dont wish to sleep .
and hell yeah , im all fresh now and i feel like running around jurong fo ten rounds . ok bye .

ouh ya ,we keep on planning and everything seems not to be a good idea .
dbf insisted on going out at first . khai would go with th flow . and in th end , i am th one who planned fo everything . so i came out with th idea of going sheesha at singgah slalu . dbf is up on it . but affan was reluctant at first and i really try to convince him . so yeah , we went to JB fo sheesha and supper together .

not much words to say , so let th pictures do th talking yeah .
so here are th usual usual people . zuhir didnt have any passport so he couldnt tag us . urgh !

meow meow and cos .

ila and mamat .

and th funny guy .

upon ordering food , we ordered sheesha too . we had mixed fruits right dbf ?

ouh yes , feeling2 time lah kannn .

BFFFL . hahahaha . anw , th place was so crowded and most tables are full . ouh ya , it was a little bit chaotic when we arrived at that place .
MAN U VS TOTTENHAM . when was th last time i watched soccer ?
we were like so esctatic when man u won to tottenham 5 - 2. baik kann .
ronaldo scored two , rooney scored two and berbatov scored one .
and ronaldo is like so hot when he is top naked . *melts*

when all are fulled , we headed back home fo singapore .
and off we went to admiralty park to chill .
khai is busy sleeping and th both of us were busy camwhoring whilst mamat was too stressed up with ants . he stamped him feet non-stop .

th best pictures . dbf , i wanted to publish th pictures you snap at th park rememba ? you feeling2 model ? but im afraid to do so . hahahaha

and im like th guinea pig where dbf would make use of me and find his way to get th best pictures .

we keep on trying and we gave up at last . LOL !
off to boon lay nasi lemak now . if im late , dbf will , you know what i mean .
see you people in school tomorrow yeah .
i miss th whole lot of my cliques . they are all busy with their things . and here i am pretending to be busy , when im not actually . HAHAHA !
i know its time to get serious . im meeting dateline perhaps .
lab report , experiments , log book , tutoring . wahlao , so tired sia .
okay bye .

ouh hello earthlings , again .
weekend is coming to an end . im sure to miss it again .
and yeap , back to my old routine starting from tomorrow .
expand my butt in school , facing my 2 yrs laptop and start jotting down notes .
talk when it is only necessary , turn insane when it comes to break .
ouh yes , i cant believe this but i have not been sleeping since yesterday .
went out yesterday's night and i thought i could sleep th moment ive reached home .
BUT I DIDNT .
tossing and turning in bed when th sun is high up on me .
i really dont know what to do ; wanted to finish writing in my logbook .
get down to lil business and work .
but there is never motivation .

i guess my dearest [dbf] is sound asleep . he said hes gonna bring me out fo lunch .
well then , i guess hes tired . so yea , ill give it a miss .
i will always try my best to understand you , no worries about that .

[dbf], i hope those complications that we had fo each other has already ended .
i never want you to think otherwise about me because i am never what you thought i am or i could be . i will never go around doing any like you have said so , because i love you like i always do . neither do i want to betray th trust that you had in me . you have got to believe whatever i have said , because i never want to lie to you anymore . im trying everything that i could to get you have th trust in me . and i hope you would understand why do i have to do all these and to such extent , ive had enough .
ill say things that i really mean it and i never want to play around with it .
when i say i need it , i will forever need it .
when i say i want it , i will forever want it .
actions speak louder than words ; and here i am trying to prove you how muc i need you via th actions . i never want to say it when im not doing it at all .
i wanna make it right this time ; so i hope you can see a better picture of it now .

PMS is coming , and i can feel it .
because now , i feel like screaming at anyone's ear till it bleeds .
dammmit . what th hell is wrong with me ?
maybe because ive not sleep yet . but im just not sleepy .
okay i guess i better stop blabbering because i feel totally enraged now .
update soon yeah .

ill post out on where i went out last night soon , perhaps . LOL !
communicate soon yeah . and i guess my tagboard is dying . :S
ehh people , taggg lahhh !

hello earthlings .
believe it or not , im at home on saturday !
hell yeah , i was only back home at 7 in th morning just now .
things have gone out of hand yesterday when [dbf] is not in th mood .
so i have to text all th cliques and said that im not coming .
they asked me to psycho [dbf] . and i did .
at last , he was alright , and off we went to JB in th early midnight .
after which , we ride down to Esso Bt Timah and meet th rest .
altogether , 5 bikes .
yeap yeap , on our way to henderson waves ; something unexpected happened .
shall not elaborate on it cause im not good at describing an event . so ill skip it .
and sad enough , BFF jaja and dzuhir is unable to tag along .
ouh , and we are all disappointed .
they hail a cab back home whilst we move on with our journey .

when we reached there , its almost 4am in th morning .
as usual we camwhore . we chilled around and spend our time together with th loved ones .
it was a wonderful night i must say .
we went off home at 6 in th morning .
and [dbf] accompanied me at th void deck till 7am in th morning .

tot everything was cancelled , but we did meet up again .
i love you guys and not forgetting [dbf] too .

meow meow . LOL !

mamat and mia

mamat and ilah

im really sorry cause theres no picture of khai in here .
because he was sound asleep there .
kesian abang firefighter kite nie .
hahaha . update soon people :D

ouh weelllls. too busy fo an update .
ill update soon when im really free .
gotta pack my bag and go home .

so yeah loyal readers , stalker , or just watever you define yourself ;
HAPPY WEEKENDS !
VISIT MY BLOG ALWAYS YEAH .

having break . done with my slides , waiting fo 1415 , i cant wait to present .
ouh gosh , did i just mention that ?
i cant wait to present ?
yesterday , i talked to [dbf] hoping that i wont get dawn fo any of my module's facilitator .
but then , bad luck i guess .
she is teaching me in Material Process's module .
but its alright ; well th only problem is , she is quite draggy when delivering speech to th class .
so i have to bear with it .
she suck in 15 minutes of my break just now ; well i hope it wont happen again .
she is quite a good faci , she really makes me understand and get th whole idea of th problem .

during lesson , i chatted with yana darling .
she said that my DP in msn looks like a pornstar . WTH !
hahahaha , i couldnt stop laughing even when im typing this down .
ouh gosh , how could that be ?
well , that drives me to a conclusion that she did watch porn before . LOL !
i met up with her during my second break , and we bought waffles together .
sadly , her lesson starts at 1345 , and she couldnt accompany me fo smoke .
this sucks a lot cause i couldnt spend much time with her .
no hot hot news from each other . and i miss gossiping .
well , theres always a next time right .

yesterday , i met up with him later at night .
he fetched me at my void deck and i suapkan him food . he is hungry .
ouhokay , wash my hands and then off we went to jb .
off to his corridor , he helped me with my fringe . and it looks better now .
suddenly , th wind blow so strongly . i could hear door slaming . pots crashing .
and he sent me off home . i slept reall late due to insomnia , AGAIN .

and so , before i went to school , i went to meet up with him fo awhile .
he is so cute cute cute lahh .
he nagged at me cause of my tube dress .
and he demanded me to buy a pin so that i can hide my bra strap with th help of my half cardigan .
then i rushed off to th bustop , change topic . okay , naughty me ((:
and then , we talked on th phone . he accompanied me till ive reached class safely .
thanks fo that baby . i appreciate it a lot .
he is sleeping now , i guess .
(you must be really tired ; grab a good rest okay darling ? ) ((:
and i miss him a lot now .
i dont think im able to meet him today .
perhaps , fo a little while at night , or maybe in th wee hours .
only if he gets up on time .

ill try to get on to th habit of bringing my digicam wherever i go .
i want more pictures .
just random ones .
one more lesson to go and taddaaa , weekend is here baby .
but still , i dont know where shall i spend my weekend .

i wanted to upload loads of pictures and have more of it instead of my words .
but whenever im halfway through browsing th best pictures ,
my momentum dies off just like that , and i decide to upload only one .
sheeessshhhhh

anw , i slept at close to 6am in th morning .
had a chit chat on th phone with love [dbf] .
and on random , i just love to bathe at 1 or 2 am in th morn .
im afraid actually , but [dbf] will help me out in that actually .
switch loud speaker , then he will talk to me while i was bathing .
i just love these days and i hope it will remain like this forever .
an apology from me to [dbf] because it was meant to be a trick .
i never know that you would get so mad about it . im really sorry .
but trust me , i did nothing at all , i swear .

and we had so much fo our future plans .
i wish i could be but God will decide everything that is best fo you and me .

and yeap , he is still not awake yet at this hour .
and i miss him like a lot now .
i wish hes here with me now .
wednesdays are boring . :S
damn .

thanks fo making my day .
i wanna be an anti-problem girl .
i wish i could be like that one day .
to see me laugh , to see me smile one day ,
it will be on th day when i have him back in my life .
insya'allah .
ill just do what i could to safe it .

[dbf] , wake up now and call me now cannn ?

ouh hello earthlings .
having my break now till 1130 .
module fo today is lab management .
and weabout floor plans labs labs and more labs .
ways to improve on th laboratories yada yada yadaaaa
will be going to W51F later to check out on th lab .
wth ? when i have always been there fo my FYP .
th lab is like a pig sty lahh .
im gonna have maple syrup waffle later , i guess .

im really happy right now .
i love th convo i had with him yesterday ((:
we talked and met for awhile . went off to sleep at 4am.
& you are th sweetest things that has ever happen to me .
and guess what ? i woke up 810 in th morning just now .
i was not that late but in a rush .
i didnt have th time to put on foundation etc etc .
so i grabbed it , and stuffed it in th bag , and do it in th bus .
everyone is looking at me , but who cares right ?
my face or your face ? LOL !

i agree with him that this is one of th best pictures so far lahh .
i shall pass you th seesha pictures soon alright .
and hell boy , i miss you a lot right now .
im really looking forward to meet you later fo dinner i guess .

A _ _ _ _
A _ _ _ _
ouh yeah , when we talked with th help of th words above , i laughed at first .
but then it got so reall lahhh .
seems like im falling in love .
hmmm .
ouh yeah , today marks our supposed to be 47th .
so yeah , happy 47th baby ((:

ouh yes , niza's birthday is coming . come on babes , where will it be this time round ?

no words could describe how much i love you sweetheart ((:

well , slef -proclaimed ; im insane just now .
things got a little haywire fo me at th very start of th day .
but , alhamdulillah things got pretty okayyy now .
bought fo him a meal and we ate together at th voideck .
he suap me chicken and rice . awwe , sweet ehh .
im like so deprived lah kann .
he finished up th cheese fries .
yeah , sat a little while and he sent me bac home .
yeah , we played th same old game .

car games .
here is how th game is being played .
he picked subaru and honda stream .
and i picked mazda 3 and toyota wish .
so when we see th car , we have to start accumulate it up to 100 .
th person who reaches 100 first , th other party will have to kiss th winner 100 times .
well , thats how it was played last time .
but this time , we have other deal .
so yeahhhh .
sat by th stairs near th canal and looked at th expressway and start counting when we see it .
and th ratio of mine to him is 19 : 15 .
so which means im leading . bluek ! heh !
i love youuu alottt lahhh babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

hello again .
i did not sleep fo th whole night yesterday .
not because i look forward to school . but INSOMNIA .
and off i went to school with puffy eyes .
[dbf] , im really sorry about yesterday ; alot .
i didnt mean to make it tense , im just plain crazy .
ouh gosh , please stop all those misunderstandings .
because i never wanted this but affection from you .
[i never sound so jiwang like this before seh]

ill summarise about yesterday .
i went to meet [dbf] . we went to popular at J.E
to grab notebooks and pens fo school .
very fickle , and [dbf] asked me to purchase th cheaper one . save monay .
he picked th colour fo my notebooks .
[like he will always ((: ]
then went off to his void deck , we talked , we joked , we laughed , etc etc .
i never felt so happy like this before .
after which , followed his parents to Abg Boy's house .
meet Putri . hahaha , idk her name , but they call th baby girl that .
after which , JB fo supper .
had mee bakso ; damn delicious youuu .
next time right , we shall go eat there okay [dbf] ?
petrol kiosk and back to singapore .
he sent me home straight .
and we talked on th phone .
and we had a little misunderstanding .
which turned into a chaos .
and i teared like shit .
because i know we have to put an end to all th dispute .
we have to start everything new .
only if you want to .

and i miss him like a lot now .
hes my COMFORT ZONE .
i guess hes away fo a sleep .
ouh gosh , im plain obsessed with him .
idk why . if there could be specific reasons to it ;
i would say it .
i wanna settle down .
im not talking about marriage , i need you , thats it .
please call me soon .
i miss you like so badly now baby .
ouh gosh , i never felt this way fo anyone before .
and it is only you that i need .
i need your hug
i need your kisses
i need you to bring back th joy in my life .
just you .

if this isnt love , tell me what it is
cause i caould be dreaming and just plain crazy .
and i never felt like this baby

hello earthlings .
had tutoring session in th late afternoon yesterday .
fo 4.5 hours .which is so tiring . and they will be sitting fo their mid year papers soon . and im really worried about them .
i gave them a lot of assignments , okay im bad . but too baddd uhhh .
okay done .
so did a little of marking , and working out on problem sums .
did a little of school work , and waited till 7 pm .
washed up and everything .
and off i went to meet [dbf] at his voiddeck with mamat .
mommy was a lil paranoid because she thought i went out with some other guys . LOL !
[sorry i hand up th phone on you darling in th morning . mood swings i guess , but i didnt mean to keep you waiting . and im really sorry about it ]
fetched ilah at jurong east . and off we went to Karaoke at Grandlink .
[and its a freaking last warning to th front desk chinese woman ehh. you just dont have to be rude talking to your customers . screw her , she talked as if im just so illiterate , unable to understand every single thing . and when i need another explanation , due to her broken english , she raised her voice as if im so stupid . wahlao . ]


we got ourselves room 21 . ouh god knows why perhaps .
yeah , that has been th best no. fo [dbf] and myself .
we love th no. so much , even till these days .
ouhokay moving on .

so here are th usual people .

me and [dbf] ((:
we sang a lot of songs like after so long .
but my favourite was jangan menangis sayang .
sang together with him , awwweeeee .
okay enoughh ehhh .

th funny funny people .
we had tons of fun together with them . sang a lot of songs , till we get really tired of it .
i had sucha splendid time with them .
ouh gosh , i love them so muchh lahh .
thanks a lot fo making my day people .

after an hour or so , khai came . and instead of singing 3 hours , we sang fo 4 hours lah .
we extend another hour .
by th time , we were so tired especially me .
thats why i keep quiet lah [dbf] .

supper at al-ameen at woodlands . yeah about to rain ;
we rushed fo home and while on our way , it was drizzling .
[dbf] sent me at my staircase . took off my cardigan and wipe his hands .
must havee been very cold right ((:
talked on th phone with him till 630 am in th morning .
and it feels like im on cloud nine . okay stop it eh .
anw , thanks a lot [dbf] i like so paiseh lah kannn .

ouh shit ! BESOK SEKOLAH SIA .
and im really not ready even a bit . dammit !

so how was my night yesterday ?
i met him at 2030 hrs and accompanied him to wash his bike near our estates .
everything goes on perfectly smooth like a silk .
i helped him wax his bike , i had a great time helping him after so long of not doing it .
i couldnt even recall th last time i waxed his bike .
we had our late dinner together .
i had kueh teow soup whereas he had chicken cube with rice .
sat at our favourite place and eat .
places where we sat and talked again after so long .
flashback flashback .
then he checked my phone , and he remain silent .
i dont know if i do something wrong .
but then , he was different in msgs and even today .
where have i gone wrong ?
i need some words from you ; please dont hush .

and im not feeling good these days .
i dont know if th pills could have been th cause to my drowsiness .
i couldnt sit/squat or lie down fo too long ; because th next thing when i try to walk .
th pain will strike my head that i can just shut off in a snap .
but i really try very hard to fight th pain .
and it doesnt only happened once a day .
but at least 10 times a day . i wonder what th hell is wrong now .
and i feel like vommiting while eating .
symptoms of depression ?
i can feel that im losing weight now .
i cant remain this way , id rather let God take my life away .

why do i have to face suc consequences ?
why does this happen to me ?
why is life so unfair ?
where have i gone wrong till i have to face all these ?

i slept late every night .
i guess im not looking forward to school .
and i dont think i will be coming if this is still going on th same .
fuck it , i wanna kill myself .

and yes , this will be my third post of th day .
well , you see , rotting at home is not helping me at all .
because i really dont know what to do at home .
trying to keep myself busy but i cant do it now .
and yes , i miss him badly enough .
i wonder what is he doing now .

i know somehow , one day you will read my blog .
im sorry to be such an emo right now but i just couldnt help it .
i need to pour this out , and let you know everything .
whatever that has already happened between us , especially th downfall ;
i have forgotten everything about it .
i miss th old you , very much .
i wish you could be like before .
when i read th earliest entry about you and me in august , i teared badly .
because you were th most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me .
and i never wanna let it fade away or stop just like that .
i want to count my days with you , count on th hours we have spent fo each other .
i cant bear to lose you , thats it .
because you are my first love , and i have gone through a lot with you .
we faced all th obstacles together , we fought terribly .
but then , it got us closer .
maybe God wana test how strong can our love be .
is th love dead and gone ? well , i dont think so .
i dont mind taking it slow at all , but all i ever needed is your motivation darling .
thats it , i need you , i really do , i swear i do .
let bygones be bygones .
please , lets make it up together .
lets not let th past haunt us down .
whats done is done , both were hurt at th same time .
you had your flaws i had mine .
lets make up fo everything , especially healing both our heart .
im sure you can do it . please dont give up and have faith in yourself .
everything that we have been dwelling about , watever that came out from my mouth is true enough .
its really saddening when you uttered such words when you are mad .
you kept me thinking whether you really mean it or not at all .
im always here waiting fo your call , i misss you , ya allah .
please , trust me , i wanna change . and i want you to change too .
please dont end it this way . it was so wonderful th last two days .
why does it drastically change within a few hours ?
i thought we both have promises fo each other .
and im still holding on to it .
so please hamirul , call me .
because i miss you alot .
really .
and i love you
i swear i love you .
and i never love anyone like i love you before .
sumpah . sungguh , aku tak tipu .

hamirul hasraff , im really sorry fo all th shits that ive caused .
fo hurting you all these while .
but please be clear that it was never my intention of hurting you .
if these are th obstacles that i have to go through with you ,
i will do it fo us .
but never , give up on it because i just dont like it .
i never want to reveal my weaknesses here but you make me sound like an emo here .
how am i suppose to smile when im bleeding inside ?
you know it yourself right ?
where have all th promises gone to ? it will never be down th drain .
was it so hard fo you to forgive and forget about th past ?
you and i were tired of dwelling it , then why do you have to mention about it again and again ?
i wanna stop all th past . it hurts you and me badly .
we can do this right [DBF] .
just please fo once . dont make me turn into a paranoia .
please answer my call . i know you were mad at me now .
we can settle this out nicely .
its a no biggie quarreling about it when its never worth it .

i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]

please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .

i hope this hug will remain like it is , forever ((:

updates yahh .
yesterday went to JB with [DBF] .
then , after grabbing mincemeat , cheese i went back to his home and chilled out since it was a humid day . yeap yeap , cooked fo him spaghettiiiii .
since he is craving fo it like a pregnant lady . LOL !
hang around fo awhile with his family .
ouh boy , i miss th times i spent fo his family .
flashback flasback .
i got a cut on my pinky finger due to th sharp tin can .
he wiped off th blood and seal th wound with a plaster .
so sweeetttt . *melts* ok bye .
sat somewhere and had a lil dispute .
pretty upset about it , well , i never wanna brood about it any longer .
he sent me off to my carpark , and had a ciggarette or two before bidding goodbye .
we apologised and made promises though i know either one will break it one day .
but i hope that the promises that we have made , will last forever .
jangan semangat due minit ehhh .

ouh school will be starting in 4 days time .
dammit , i just need a longer holidays now .
because there are so many things that i have not done yet especially my logbook .
i have already attended 18 meetings but i wrote 5 meetings in my logbook .
there are just so many things to write in there .
im sure when school reopens , i wont be going fo any smoke break and lunch break .
but remain in class and start vommiting words in my logbook .


school will start at 10 fo all year 3 students .
so this is what i will be studying fo th 1st semester .
no lesson to attend on wednesday . like duh .
different class fo th 4 modules .
so that means more complications .
RP and their BRILLIANT ideas .
so what if i have more friends , but they are just going to be my acquaintance one day .

and i have yet to collect another 13 more DA and NDA points .
ouh , i think i can do it . after which , im done with this Creative Engagement Module .

back fo an update earthlings .

life ? have been going on perfectly fine .
except th fact that im getting myself less committed to FYP and tutoring .
i gonna get it back on track .
yeap , my final year in RP .
im gonna do it just right . get good GPA and start working .
enough enough enough of memorising formulaes .
im so sick of gaining knowledge fo th past 13 years lah , dammit !

school's gonna start next week .
I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT .
I NEED MORE HOLIDAYS LAHHH .
okay , well , i had 3 months of break ; and what did i gain ?
two students , more hurdles in life .
but , praises to God , everything is fine now .
well , i hope it will remain like this forever .
please , dont do it anymore okay [DBF] ?
you know i'll always love you .

i want you , thats not enough .
i need you , thats not enough .
i yearn fo you , thats never enough .
we had settled it out , and i hope there will be no more of this and that .
you know how paranoid i go right fo th past two weeks ?
living my life without you is effing hard , i tell ya .
but i have to be strong and put it alot of effort to make it through .
and yes , with sheer determination , i managed to settle this biggest dispute fo th first time .
theres too many things to say but i just dont feel like it .
ouhhh boyyyy .

alhamdulillah , haifa is getting better . that makes me smile widely .
yeap yeap , she had a lil mood swings but she's okay now .
hoping fo th virus in her brain to go away .
please god , she is too little ( 4 months old ) to face all these .
she is just so innocent .
when she went in to the operation theatre , she cried , and she did try to speak to her mommy .
i felt so touched by it .
mother-daughter bonding .
i gotta pay her a visit soon .

hamirul , i misss youuuuu likeee crazzyyyy .
thanks fo your 12 hours yesterday .
we do have fun , dont we ?

eve of weekend was splendid .
well , what more could i asked fo .
anws , bad news comes first alright .
my niece , nur haifa dania is in ICU . suffering from fits .
damn shes only 4 months old . i really pity her .
when i came down to take a look at her , she had all th tubes in her nose and mouth .
plus , her hands and legs are all tied up . ouh gosh , like macam org pesakit gile sia .
i cried when i looked at her .

mamat called me and asked me out .
it was a miracle on that day , when i wasnt expecting anything from anyone .
so yeah , we went out , th five of us .
so we headed off to sheesha . ouh gosh , i forgot th outlet's name .

(illahhh , kao tkde dlm gmbr . sorry yea . )
we had fun , snapping , feeling and everything .
especialy [DBF] who would always go like .
him : you , take my picture , cepat2 .
amik gambar tk perlu kanchong okay .
hahahahahaha . ouh wells , i smiled alot like after so long .
flashback flashback flashback . wow !

mamat , khai , amir and me ((:

th sweetest girl and me . ilahhhh

yeap , we had our late dinner cum supper at newton . makan besar kape .
and he finished up th rice that i couldnt starved it in anymore .
okay whatever lah kannn .

then we went off to upper seletar damp is it [DBF] (when was th last time i mention it sia) ? okay , i prefer to call it th lighthouse .
we smoked , we chilled around , mencari ketenangan jiwe .
we went home at 5 am .
and he spent his early morning with me all th way till 7 .
thanks fo th day [DBF] . i appreciate that a lot ((:

neither both of us expect things to end this way .
neither both of us would want things to go this way .
but if this is a challenge from God , i would have to face it with faith .
i know you never want this either .
i understand and get th whole idea of it now .
you are just so confused , as simple as that .
you left me , but its okay .
after all th confessions that ive made , and all th naggings etc .
i hope you would really listen to me fo th last time of what better things you could do in your life .
dont destroy it any further , its unbearable .
its easier when you have a hand to hold on to when you fell , but its hard when you have to pick up yourself after a hard fall .
and i hope you know how muc i really care fo you .
you are living in a world and not fantasy .
and i know , no one will care fo you like i do .
i knew you so well , even th slightest thing about you .
how could you leave me after what we have been thru .
i know loving me is not easy ; but you could have understand me better when im around .
why are you leaving all those memories behind .
why do you have to leave me .
you knew me so well , and why are you doing this to me .
are you taking my weaknesses as your strength ?
there are just too muc doubts about you .
if you could have cleared it away , id be glad .
but no , you left me in suc a state where i keep on thinking about th same old damn thing .

off now , enough .
and i guess what happened at 4 am in th morning , you made me realised uh .
its aching even till now .
and who is going to clean my wound ?
quesitions left unanswered .

well , i guess this is th last picture taken together .

yes , im like down to earth's core right now .
pardon me fo i abandoned my blog lately .
good will is not on my side so yeah , that makes me not have any update .
life is really terrible fo me .
after one goes , here comes another part of it .
and i tell you , it is really unbearable .
mom has been bugging me about him .
my mom wanna meet him , but i know its not th time yet .
fo things got a little bit haywire between us .
i never wanna destroy you any further amir .
i had enough of playing all these endless game .
no one will win .
how am i going to move on when my mother really loves you ?
willing to accept you fo second time ?
my mom never behave this way before , and its even weird fo me .
if you think it is hard fo you , what do you think about my situation now ?
it came back to me in two fold .
how am i suppose to settle all these misunderstandings fo once ?
we need to talk , we really need to do it once and fo all .
i dont want it to be in a rush at all , i dont even want that to happen .
because i know rushing things will not bring any good .
i know i should take it slow , im sorry fo i go paranoid these few days .
but then i never wanna lose youu .
ouh gosh , what th hell is wrong with everything .

and this effing period of mine only lasted fo 3 days .
double pressure .
i know i have a low blood pressure , but it normally comes 5 days at most .
and NOW , it was totally clean by th third day .
i feel like i need to go to th doctor .
and check my entire body .
my cycle especially .
and now like what ?
im doing this alone lah nbcb .

HOW TH HELL AM I GOING TO SETTLE ALL THESE FO ONCE !
I CANT DO THIS ALONE
AND I NEED IS TO TALK TO YOU HAMIRUL HASRAFF .
I DONT KNOW HOW TH HELL AM I GOING TO REACH OUT TO YOU .
YOU WOULD IGNORE MY CALLS AND TEXTS WHEN YOU ARE OUTSIDE .
i know you need some time alone , but how th hell about me ?
WHEN IM HERE AT HOME , THINKING ABOUT YOU .
AS FAR AS IM ALIVE , I NEVER WANNA THROW SUCH ASSUMPTIONS ON YOU .
I KNOW AND I TRUST YOUR WORDS .
AMIR , I NEED YOU TO AT LEAST CALL ME NOW LAHH CANNN .
IM IN DEEP SHIT AND YOU KNOW THIS IS BETWEEN US .
YOU ALWAYS SAID THAT THINGS ARE SAID AND DONE .
BUT NO , IT GREW FATTER .
WHERE ARE YOUUUU ?
I NEED YOU NOWWWWW .
PLEASEEE CALLL ME ASAPPPPPP .
WE NEED TO CLEAR THESE THINGS .

i need some assurance from you .
running away is never good sayang , pleaseeeeeeee .
im down on my knees now , begging you to understand me .
how it feels like to be a girl . to know th whole truth . come on amir .
mercy mercy mercy .

and mommy , im really trying to make it work .
yes i know , and i never want to disappoint you anymore .
i need some help here .
things got out of hand man .

mommmy , i never expected you to cry because of this .
im really sorry but im really trying what i could mommy .
it was shocked and unbelievable .
i never thought you could shed your tears fo us .
woah woahh woahhh .
th more you shed in front of me , the more you are making me feel weak .
ouh gosh , im soooo forlorn with whats happening .
if only you were in my shoes , you would know exactly how it feels like to be in such a situation .
it may be a crap , but this is th fact and reality .
you must know that im never lying to you and it is true .

ivee been yearning , and yearning and still yearning fo now .
all i could ask fo is a better tomorrow .
amin .