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Monday, November 30, 2009'♥

And somehow, I cried in the middle of the night because I miss all the fun that I used to have and share. And now, all my happiness have long gone ever since my absence over the other end. It seems like I'm depriving for it, but then I realise that it can never happen to me. I felt outcast by the world, I felt shallow, I felt stupid and naive. I couldn't tolerate this any more, please, take this life away because the challenges given are way too unbearable. It is killing me. No matter how hard I've tried explaining, it still did not work for me, and no one can exactly understand how it feels like to live in a world like a cave.

I need to breathe in a fresher air people. somehow, all the sacrifices made means nothing to you. I want you to kill me. I don't deserve this. F.U.C.K.

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Thought of You @2:31 AM



Sunday, November 29, 2009'♥

even though it has a speed of 7.2mbps, still it takes me a god damn 10 minutes to upload the pictures. pfft. never mind about that. I guess I just need to have a little more patience in everything.

where shall I start? I have been doing good, so far. So my weekend was a great one. I travelled to Singapore to visit my sister who is 7 months pregnant (I swear her stomach is so enormous that it feels like exploding anytime) and then travelled to the West to meet love.
Initially, we planned to go to Sitex over at Expo to window-shop but due to the heavy rain, everything was delayed and in the end, we ended up not going anywhere. We just sat at home, and catch things up together. Well, when is the last time that I get to spend my time with him these long? hehs.
So, in the end, we both bathe in different bathrooms and get ready to send me home. He said that he will just send me there but in the end, he slept over at my place. I is so excited indeed!

We went to City Square together with my cousin and sister to catch
and I shall rate it 4/5. though it is quite draggy at the start. and after which we went to Banafee to chill around till 4. So when I reached home, he watched TV while I did my logbook. -..-
I slept at 630am in the morning and in the morning he woke me up. He said that he have to go because he has a match over in Spore. We bid goodbye, and now I miss him a lot.

So, my new off day will be every Monday instead of Friday. shit. I is boring okay. And Saturday will be my FYP presentation and after which, I'm done with all the stress. I can't wait.
I think I is so becok now, and I got to go and finish up my logbook.
Update soon readers.

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Thought of You @3:30 PM



Saturday, November 28, 2009'♥

abeh kalau hujan macam mana nak keluar jalan2?
i came all the way to SG eh to go out with my lovely boy.
but then now, i have to stay at his home.
but it's okay, i get to spend my time with him.
just the two of us right baby?

so prolly he will be coming over to my place later at night.
i hope my wish will come true.
late night movies people!

i is so stupid because, i brought my camera along, but no battery.
chet!

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Thought of You @4:17 PM



Friday, November 27, 2009'♥

thank you sayang.
and you did make my day okay darling.
i appreciate that so much.
i love you :D

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Thought of You @11:42 PM



'♥

i is lazy to upload pictures. depression kills me too much actually that i have forgotten to wish all muslims Salam Aidiladha. so yeah, again, Salam Aidiladha. nothing much. but just my cousins from JB came over to the house for lunch and catching up. I miss my cousins a lot.

what's more, mother cooked a lot. but I only ate once. I've got my diet pills back, baby. i have yet to throw my fats away because I earned a horrible 8 kg. It's time to do something about it.

currently, sister went to Giant to get the essential things but I is lazy to follow, so I stay at home. tomorrow, I'm coming over to Sg to visit my sister. she is going to give birth anytime soon. mind you, the 5th child baby. kuat nye kakak gue.

ouhokay, things are pretty dry. shall be back fo more update.
abeh beyonce hot uh! MAMPOS! I is fetish over Beyonce eh.

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Thought of You @9:32 PM



'♥

I'm trying to catch the pace. Oh god, please give me th strength to move on. To take the first step is really hard but I have no other choice. I miss you but what more can I do? Maybe I don't belong to you. Thank you Yana Babe for the message. God sure has something in store for me. Insya'allah.


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Thought of You @3:17 PM



Thursday, November 26, 2009'♥

on a lighter note, my dearest juliana scored quite well in her PSLE.
congratulations baby.
i'm so proud of you darling :D
ill see you soon okay!

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Thought of You @12:25 PM



'♥

ABEH KALAU I NAK NANGIS?
IT ISN'T A GOOD THING TO START WITH.
OUH GOD, PLEASE HELP ME.
I IS SAD LAH PLEASE!
I CAN'T IMAGINE CRYING NOW, IN FRONT OF THE SCREEN.
I CAN'T THROW EVERYTHING AWAY, CAN I?
WHAT AM I TO DO?
YES, SABAR AND NOT THINK ABOUT IT.
BUT MY MIND IS FLOODED, ALL ABOUT HIM.
NO NO!

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Thought of You @8:58 AM



'♥

AND I NEED YOU MORE THAN THESE WORDS CAN DENOTE BABY.
YOU ARE LEAVING ME ALONE, YET AGAIN.
WHEN YOU KNOW, I LOVE YOU.
WHEN YOU KNOW, I NEED YOU THE MOST.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO SOME SOUL SEARCHING.
THE ONE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR IS HERE.
IVE BEEN PUTTING TOO MUCH EFFORT, NOT TO BE SOMEONE WHOM YOU DO NOT LIKE.
AND YET, IVE ALWAYS BEEN GETTING THIS IN RETURN.
I DONT WISH TO ELABORATE MORE.
BECAUSE I DONT WISH TO DEGRADE ME NOR YOU NOR OUR RELATIONSHIP.
OPEN UP YOUR HEART AND YOUR EYES AND THINK.


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Thought of You @12:11 AM



Wednesday, November 25, 2009'♥

I did not go to school today. I'm sick.
I catch a cold yesterday night.
So mother brought over 2 tablets of paracetamol and a plain water, gave it to me.
and put myself to bed.
I tried waking up early in the morning, but my head was spinning.
and again, I went to sleep informing my mother of me not going to school.

I think I need to make a decision.
About my life and also my future.
I need to reach my goals and by now, I need to know what I've been longing for.
I don't wish to put myself in a confusion state.
Where I'll keep on staring to blank spaces.
Everything sucks to me.
I thought I could cope well with it.
But it seems like I'm on the losing end.
Ouh god, please help me.
I don't what to do.
This shall not go on, I better stop here.

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Thought of You @12:40 PM



Tuesday, November 24, 2009'♥

I THINK I OVER-WORKED.
I'M LEFT WITH NO MORE JOULES OF ENERGY LEFT IN ME.
I'M DYING.
I'VE BEEN HAVING LACK OF SLEEP.
THANK YOU JB.

and I miss every part of you, baby.

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Thought of You @4:02 PM



Sunday, November 22, 2009'♥


That was so thoughtful of you to call me to know how was I doing lately. I've been doing good, alhamdulillah. Still trying my very best to adapt to the different environment that I'm currently living in. With days, things will sure turn out to be fine.
Tomorrow will be my first try-out travelling to school, and I hope the traffic will go on smoothly. I will be going out of the house at 0730 hours and hope to reach school just right on time.

Throughout my weekends here, I did nothing much except for settling the admin things over here. I went to Angsana earlier today to grab my mobile broadband so that I won't face any trouble when doing my school things. And once I got it, I did my lab report. And here I am, still editing my lab report.
My dearest bestfriends, my biggest apology because I did not turn up yesterday. I need to stay at home because no one is free to send me over. You should know how I felt yesterday, moreover it is raining, so I sulk more yesterday. But not to worry, ill make up for it soon alright.
I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!
And baby, I sure hell miss you a lot. I really hope you understand the situation that I'm in now. I never want this and the only thing that I need is you here with me. Thank you so much for your patience. I love you, more than the words could denote.

I miss my cliques. I miss everyone, I miss you. YES YOU!

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Thought of You @7:10 PM



Thursday, November 19, 2009'♥

because I never want this to happen.
because I'm left with no other choice.
you are trying so hard to understand me.
but I don't think you have done a good job.
because I love you.
I'm taking in a little more effort just to be here with you.

i miss you. thats why.



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Thought of You @7:08 PM



'♥

I AM SO MAD.
I AM SO SAD.


Thought of You @3:19 PM



Wednesday, November 18, 2009'♥

I'm at my most miserable state people.
I'm having the worst menstruation cramp ever.
I feel like crying, I truly can't bear the pain.
I'll be leaving soon.

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Thought of You @1:19 PM



Monday, November 16, 2009'♥

what a bad image quality nokia. pfft.
my camera has no battery and the only alternative i have is my hp.
i prefer my KS 360 image quality than nokia.
i think i need to get a change soon.

well, these pictures were taken on Saturday night.
actually kan, I'm in no mood to update my space here. because I have yet to complete my report before 2359. it sucks having to squeeze my brain juice for nothing else but Science. I'm going to edit a little bit more before submission.


I love you :D

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Thought of You @11:54 AM



Sunday, November 15, 2009'♥

Bring me to an open sea.
And let me scream my heart out.


Thought of You @10:59 PM



Saturday, November 14, 2009'♥

I feel so pening lalat nak mampos.
i have the urge of throwing up.
i dont get a proper sleep and food.
i just had Maggi in th afternoon.
other than that, NOTHING!


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Thought of You @9:42 PM



'♥


i did my lab report today.
initially, the plan was to go to the library with all my teammates and do our lab report together. but then, some of them are busy and so im left with niza. since, library is so dull, i asked her to my house since there was no one at home.
she came by and i fetched her at the bus stop. we cracked our brains together in doing the lab report. and it was a great success because throughout the six hours, we really did a good job! and now, I'm halfway through the report. (: I'm proud of my myself.
thank you darling for coming down.
from Hougang all the way to Jurong.

and i miss these humans right there. i mean, i miss hanging out around with them. the whole lot of us could initially rock the world. they have always been there for me, throughout the thick and thin. and to me, they are my true friends. whenever we went bored, we will always call up on each other, and tend to make plans for the night. I've been enjoying my night life; but in a healthy way with them (:
but things are different now. all of us are busy managing our future. all i could do is to understand the situation that they are in and always pray for the best.
and Ilah, I've never forget you. I miss you babe (:
and this picture was taken long way back then during the month of Syawal.
I went over to his open house and I did spend a great time with him and his family.
it was really a tough ride, and we managed to stick as one no matter that comes along our way. we will always talk it out when something went wrong.
he has been there whenever I'm in need. and I'm really thankful of having him here with me.
thank you Sayang.

i agree with Yana.
in a relationship, we learn every little things. those are experiences gained.
people may jeer and insult us or anything that has never come across my mind.
but in this relationship, we are always amending and always been trying to achieve something good out of it. we do this for our future and not for the enjoyment and fun. you people are in no position to judge us, when you don't even know the hard ride we are in.

thank you god, for all the challenges, I think I'm a better person now.
I've yet to face with more, and I'm going to face with with patience.
and, I'm moving end of next week, to be exact. well, this is for real.
and I hope I could achieve something worth out of it.

goodnight, and enjoy your weekend people.

p/s: I've been seeing more spoilt brats around in the society now.
lack of love?
if you choose to be on that path, don't ever regret doing it.
you were given a brain to think, SO THINK before doing it.

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Thought of You @7:50 PM



Friday, November 13, 2009'♥

ATTEMPTING MY LAB REPORT NOW.
WHILE CHATTING.
WHILE LISTENING TO MUSIC.
WHILE FACEBOOK-ING.
omg!

i was so tired yesterday.
after fyp, i met my dearest bestfriend.
then, off to home.
much like a surprise.
i call love and was surprised that he was at my void deck.
so i went down again, despite me being tired.
went to petrol kiosk and met affan and mira.
we had no idea initially but then, we went to 711 and met lydian.
her hair is awesome!

and then, we went to th agent of Kia motors.
and look up for KOUP.
omg! th car was so fucking _____________!
okay then we went to tanglin road.
and look up at this bungalow.
where it has 6 to 8 lambo in th garage.
th owner is so rich okay.

off to mustafa centre and have a stroll here and there.
i was so tired that i slept in th car.
please excuse me eh love.
thanks fo th surpise and everything. i love you :D

oh, before i forget, happy weekends!

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Thought of You @2:09 PM



Thursday, November 12, 2009'♥

MY ENV SCIENCE WILL COMMENCE 2 HALF HOURS FROM NOW.
WHAT AM I TO DO?
I HOPE I CAN DO TH TEST SMOOTHLY.
I HATE GEOGRAPHY.
MY BRAIN IS NOT HELPING ME TO ABSORB EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE STUDIED.
OUH NO.
BUT I WILL TRY MY BEST.

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Thought of You @1:57 PM



Wednesday, November 11, 2009'♥

i brought all my notes today, hoping to do a lil revision in class during break.
but i was so tired that i just stone in the class.
i did nothing much; mainly definition and answering back to the PS.

so yesterday, a lot of things happened.
i did five things yesterday.
first, i went to school because i cant skip another lesson of psychology.
went for a smoke break with my bitches and up for no reason, me and A will laugh our heads off.
when initially, there was no joke made.

second, i did my test.
i don't know if i have done badly for it, but i think i've done my very best to give an accurate answer as possible.
afterall, the paper was manageable but the only thing is that i need more time because i need to type down a lot of things.

thirdly, i went to FYP.
and i was so stressed up.
because the weighing scale is on the moody days.

next i went to my sister's house.
so i took 1/2 hour to get to my sister's house.
woah. that was fast. and i walked all the way from UT up to her house near the swimming complex.

lastly, i went to meet my boyfriend.
we sat for a short while and share.
and here came someone, walking passed us.
he was screaming over the phone.
"YES I AM AN UNFAITHFUL BUSTED"
" GO FUCK SPIDER"
the moment he said that, me and my boyfriend laughed.
and i was like, how the hell are you going to fuck a spider?
does a spider has a V hole?
OMG.

and boyfriend, thank you for the lovely message.
i love you :D

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Thought of You @1:13 PM



Tuesday, November 10, 2009'♥

HAPPY 13TH
HAPPY 30TH
AND IT HAS BEEN FOUR YEARS THAT WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER.
im thankful, grateful for everything that you have done for me.
i appreciate all the help and your companion makes me content.

i will always love you, and will always be.
you are always in my heart;
today, tomorrow and forever.
only you, mohd. hamirul hasraff.

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Thought of You @5:58 PM



Monday, November 09, 2009'♥

ive been spending my weekends over at JB.

on saturday;
i followed my family to th new house over at nusa idaman.
well, not a bad choice but still i prefer singapore.
you can call me naive, but i have my own stand.
we went to Giant Tampoi to accompany my sister to apply Astro cable vision.
(okay, i know i sound like a malaysian now)
and then, shop for all my undies.
and then to angsana for our late dinner.
we had pizza!
yummy delicious.
my aunt wanted to buy for me th Adidas flip flop but mom diagreed to it cause its way to expensive for a flip flop.
mommy! its adidas for goodness sake. -______-
well, you can get cheaper adidas apparels at pertaling street lah please.
okay, enough of dwelling on it.

well, i never had my butt in school today because i was so tired.
since, ive not used up my self-declared leave fo today's module, i get th opportunity to make use of it.

so, i reached singapore yesterday and went to meet love straight away.
together with the usual cliques.
we had a nice time spent together.
i love it baby =D

ill be having my psychology test tomorrow.
and hell, ive not prepared anything in hand.
psychology is tough to me because i need to memorise tons of theories.
but the facilitator is humorous.
thursday will be my environmental science test.
walaoey. everything is jam packed this week.
and i have yet to get my lab report done, along with my meeting records and not forgetting the updates for my log book.

it sucks being a third year.
and it sucks getting older.
because you have too many responsibilities to suck in.
so this is it.
ill have to bear with these for another 4 months
till graduation!
and then i can work my ass off and mould my future.
to work, to obtain all the assets that ive been longing for.
and to settle down. (NOT YET!)

ill update soon readers :D


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Thought of You @1:16 PM



Friday, November 06, 2009'♥

I NEED SOMETIME ALONE.
GOODBYE.

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Thought of You @5:10 PM



Thursday, November 05, 2009'♥

as promised, I'm going to update now.
nothing much happened as I was busy preparing for my FYP and UT.
please pardon me for that.

what else have i missed?
home sucks, because no food, no nothing.
so my weekly expenses is not enough for now.
im going to demand for an increase of $20 but I don't think would allow to.

life has been pretty hectic.
and if you people notice, I've been more reserved these days.
example, the other night when I went JB with love and the rest to have supper.
i spoke for less than 10 sentences and Love was wondering what is happening to me.
no explanation for that, but I'd prefer to keep quiet.

My Advanced Material UT sucks big time.
i really had a hard time understanding the question asked.
i attempted the questions to the best of my knowledge.
I'm going to remain this way till I'm done with all the other responsibilities.

lastly, i hope my dearest Aniza will recover well and fast.
i really miss laughing my ass out with her.
get well soon babe; i love you darling :D

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Thought of You @5:08 PM



'♥

ill be back for an update.
too busy.
please, excuse me.
thank you readers.
please god, let me cope with all th challenges.

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Thought of You @2:04 PM



Tuesday, November 03, 2009'♥

i need you baby.

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Thought of You @10:24 AM



Monday, November 02, 2009'♥

hello lovely readers.
a little update on my off days.

on friday; i went out with Love by car.
somewhere where we can spend our time together.
a little quality time here, i mean.
bought the OPC coupon.
spend th whole day till 5 am in the morning.
along with mamat.
since it rained in the morning, them (boys) have nothing better to do but to catch lizards and cockroaches and store them in the lizards. yes, its gross!
i never capture a picture of it, because hell no im not going to look at it again.
even up to these seconds, i couldnt get over it.

on saturday; i woke up later when the rest are removing the things from home.
i lazily, carry my things to the lorry.
and my BFF came. and she cried and i cried too.
i couldnt control my tears and i called love. and love told me to calm down.
so i moved and i shall not elaborate what ive been doing there. because i rot in the house and eat and sleep.
wtf?

moving on.
im happy because im back to singapore on sunday night.
along with my siblings.
since the house tenant is moving in in two weeks time, we make full use of the house first.
who the hell wants to travel to and fro from jb back to singapore.
i hate the idea so much.
but nevermind.

i met love yesterday.
we had supper, i eat a lot these days.
scares the hell out of me.
and sat around for awhile and i had a good complaint with all my lovelies.
and love sent me home.

and right now, im in school, class has ended. and love is still sound asleep.
pfft.!

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Thought of You @3:26 PM







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NURUL SHAHEDA
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