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Friday, October 30, 2009'♥

this will be a final post from me. after which, i wont be updating so often.
ill be busy with school and also other commitments so please bear with me people.
so if you people ever wonder where im shifting, im moving to JB this weekend.
i have to move due to tight financial.
so fo months before graduation, ill have to endure with travelling like a mad woman.
but not to worry, i wont be staying there forever.
i will be sleeping over my siblings places.
so you will still be seeing me in singapore, still.
though we could never contact too often, dont worry.
cause most probably im going to demand fo an internet there.

thanks fo the lovely dinner.
and yes, not forgetting the quality time spent together.
we set out rules and when to meet etc.
reminder: anyone who is taking advantage of the situation, you are sure going to get a piece of me.
i hope this will work out, insya'allah.
thats all, take care and see you people soon.

and im hell going to ask my mother for a webcam, requested from boyfriend.
ill listen to you sayang.
i wont club there, ill be th very best girlfriend.

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Thought of You @12:45 PM



Thursday, October 29, 2009'♥


while facilitator was going through her presentation yesterday.
a pop-up from porn.com flash across the screen.
and fydah went
'mampos!'
it was a chaotic scene
and my mouth was left open, too shocked.


Thought of You @5:54 PM



Wednesday, October 28, 2009'♥



lets clean up th dust in here.
before i start, hello lovely readers.
pardon me fo th lack of updates in here.
been pretty busy, being a sleepy head these days.
i skipped class and slept in the library yesterday.
i was so tired.

im in a busy mode these days.
i need to submit my lab report in a month's time.
and i have yet to update my student portal.
and my meeting records and research.
and my test is next week.
and im moving this saturday.
what a great world.

hows weekend?
doing great i guess.
me and him went for a swim on saturday.
he brought chicken rice which his mom has cooked. lovely.
and on sunday i went to the library to do my FYP things and he was there to accompany me.
what more can i ask for?
i appreciate every little things that you have done for me.
and thanks for working this out again.
i will try my very best to calm myself down, and i really must know how to handle things.
thank you thank you thank you.

and i had a bad communication with my family these days.
i feel like running away on th eve of th event.
i hate you people.
because you people got me trap in your position when firstly, i dont wish to get involved.
now i have to sacrifice everything.
i can do it, but one thing that i cant do and that
will be my commitment to studies.
i cant have myself to wake up 2 to 3 hours earlier than expected and rush to school and climb up and down th stairs.
can you people just spare a thought fo me?
i have my FYP.
and you guys have a transport, so you deal with it easier.
but me? with my two legs, and books and laptop.
just tell me how th hell am i to cope with everything.
if you think that i am selfish, think again.
because you are selfish to me, cause you turn everyone's life to a miserable one.

I FUCKING DONT DESERVE THIS.
AM I CLEAR NOW?

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Thought of You @12:00 PM



Monday, October 26, 2009'♥

to start off, man u lost to liverpool 2-0.
that sucks.
i want ronaldo back in man u lahh pleasee.
and there was this annoying orange clothed man who keeps on exaggerating about liverpool.
whats there to brag about? well you dont have to be such a fanatic supported till you jeer for man u. you are so unprofessional.

and im moving off this saturday.
i cried and think too much about it.
fuck, im not mentally and physically prepared for it.
i cried in the car because i wanna be here with you.
i shall not portray too much in here.
only god knows how i feel about everything.
and fuck you, bad dreams. i dont need you here with me to haunt me at night.

baby, i love you in every single way.
theres only you in my heart and no one else.

till here.
im in a season of no mood for now.
theres too much things bugging me.

jangan pernah kau cuba untuk berubah
tak relakan yang indah hilanglah sudah
~ ST12
i cried listening to this.




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Thought of You @10:35 AM



Saturday, October 24, 2009'♥

i swear i miss th moment when im falling in love.
clumsy in every steps that i take.
pay attention to every little things that you say.
pinch your cheek.
kisses before we bid goodbye.
lay around your arms.
more more more every little things.

things are getting better, i guess.
syukur alhamdulillah.
ill always pray for the best.
hope this heart will heal soon.

mom fell in th toilet just now while i was gaming. cheyyy
and i wen kancong spider ran to th toilet to hold her up.
lucky she is okay except for th bruises on her forehead.
and shes complaining now for her body is aching all over.
get well soon mommy.

and on random, i need family gathering.
i miss all my brothers and sisters.
and my nephews and nieces.
6 more days to shift. wtf. -_____________-''''''

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Thought of You @4:40 PM



Friday, October 23, 2009'♥

on a sudden second, i feel like crying.
you left me in doubt.
ive given you my everything.
but nothing seems to happen.
good things happen to those who wait.
im waiting, and always been waiting.
am i to wait forever?
i wanna move on, with you.
but, you did nothing to it.
i cried in th car, you notice that?
i dont think so.i type long messages in my phone.
and i think you have read it.
but i dont know.
tell me what should i do now?
i force not to move on, because i dont have th courage to.
just tell me what to do.
i love you.i love you.i love you
and my love is only meant for you,
mohd. hamirul hasraff.


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Thought of You @4:47 PM



'♥

ive gained weight.
i look so different now.
i need more pills.

i wish there are tons of things to share.
well, the fact is there is something to share.
but somehow i think everything should be kept confidential at the moment.

i felt agitated now.
fuck you.

Thought of You @4:27 PM



Wednesday, October 21, 2009'♥

YOU, SAVE ME.

Thought of You @12:07 PM



'♥

bigger eye bags, less sleep.
too much things to do all at once.
i think i cant cope with these anymore.
im on th verge of quitting, in almost everything.
sucks!
my laptop was broken.
but it is still functioning.
but it doesnt look like it was before.
when school is about to end in 12 more weeks, ive yet to face another problem.
nbcb.
binget nye aku.!

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Thought of You @11:51 AM



Tuesday, October 20, 2009'♥

i think we are already behind time and things are quite in a mess.
omg! i think we need to reflect on what crystals to grow.
because i think we have done it wrongly.
gawdd.

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Thought of You @7:20 PM



Monday, October 19, 2009'♥

when everything seems so hard on me.
and you were not here.
you know how much i hate laying down my weaknesses here in my blog.
but i have to do it, am i left with any other choice?
now you tell me.
because you did not talk to me either.
what on earth is happening?
as much as you are trying to run away from fact, it will soon haunt you.
settle this while i last in this world.
because when im no longer there, it will ponder you back again.
didnt i tell you, god is fair?

an apology because i privatised my blog for a moment because i blog my lungs out. and i really have no choice but to let it out. but then again, ive taken it out from being published. i draft it baby.
I FEEL SO FUCKING MISERABLE!
thanks to ____________________.
and, thank you, you for being there, messaging me to lighten up my heart a bit.

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Thought of You @5:59 PM



Saturday, October 17, 2009'♥


im putting 110% more effort in everything that im currently engaged to.
i wish i could turn back time and adjust things that was not supposed to be there.


as much as people say friends come and go, do you too?
i love you more than th letters could denote.

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Thought of You @10:32 AM



Thursday, October 15, 2009'♥


HELLO.
MY EARLY WEEKEND IS HERE!
im done with th second week.
omfg, im doing countdown actually.
so 8 more weeks to holiday. wtf.? -________-
still a long way to go. but nevermind.

and i find Ga Wai is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better than Kam.
im loving env science module except the fact that there are many knowledge to suck in per lesson. thank you. but gerek lah.
study about geography and foood chain sounds like primary school.

and love, please a dream is just a dream. dont get carried away, please sayang.
itu hanyalah khayalan tidur.
im faithful to you all these while, whats there to be uncertain about right?

moving onn.......

ouh yes, yesterday mother fetched me at CWP. (i sound like a small kid)
we had pizza after so long. omg! pathetic. but its sweet, cause its just th two of us.
mother and daughter ((:
then went shopping. well, i just want to purchase shoes but then mom offered me this and that.
so in total i spent around 100+ bucks. omg. i was shocked!
but mother paid fo it, and i sound like a spoilt brat now. hahaha.
thank you so much mommy.
one year nye tak shopping eh, return balik. LOL!
and and and.
mom bought necklace for th whole of the 3 sisters.
each one with a different pendant.
and my big annoying sister said,
"mom, you should get th same pendant for th 3 of us. a symbol of siblings?"
-_______________________________-''''''''
my sister, with her bohsia attitude.
please eh, annoying tao same.!

mother thanks alot.
mom made an agreement with me.
if i follow her to JB tomorrow to fix aircon at th house there.
she will give me $1000 (maybe) for my car license first.
private or school ehhhhh?
woahhhhhhhhhh!
i cant wait! the only thing ive been looking fo eh.
okay, aku cibai.
but whatever it is, thank you mommy.



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Thought of You @3:34 PM



Wednesday, October 14, 2009'♥



i am so efficient today, i think.
im done with my presentation slides and now ive got nothing to do while waiting fo th cutest lill kid to finish up her work before going for a smoke break.
wednesday seems dreadful, as an overview, but im thankful fo having a kickass classmates like rul, wendy, fidah, jal who lights up th atmostphere.

my sister's family is moving to JB in 2 weeks time and im still considering whether to follow them or not.
cigarettes are cheap there but th journey sucks.
so yes, ive been looking fo an alternative plan and that is to stay over at sister's house.
i dont wish to be too selfish but i think its a bad idea of following my sister.
because i have FYP and other stuffs to attend to.

tomorrow is my Environmental Science module and i will be dealing with Pek Ga Wai. i think she is better than Dr. Kam. well, i mean in grading terms.
i have to report to school at 915 tomorrow and that sucks because i have to wake up 1/2 hour earlier.
lets be positive, 14 more weeks to graduation baby!
blearghhh~~~ still a long way to go.


as time draws nearer, im not prepared fo any fights to occur in us.
because, im bad at handling situation and i will always do something abusive.
i dont wish that to happen, because it does not benefit th both of us at all.
its time to stop behaving like a child because we are an adult now.
and we should behave like one.
it is time to mould the future though god will decide everything for us.
but still, we are here to plan it and try to work things out.
its not the time to reflect and look back on th past, because the world wants you to move forward.
dont let it conquer your mind, its unhealthy.
we both had our flaws and its time to repent and make it better.
stop fooling around, because this world is competitive.
to maintain a good relationship is not easy, we need our flaws to make it stronger.
after what you and i had done, do we grow stronger?
its time to think and work on it.
actions speak louder than words darling.


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Thought of You @12:40 PM



'♥











just overdue historical pictures from last semester.
during our final presentation for FYP I: Shining Crystals
it was great.
i still remembered, i came late and its raining elephants and giraffes in th morning.
and BF gave me a pink umbrella.
and they called me a pornstar. wtf? LOL!
and then, Love fetched me because ive been complaining that my legs were aching.
credits to th heels.
i hate heels in th past but im loving it now.
and love being th most romantic BF on earth, he brought me a slipper so that i wont walk like a tortoise anymore.

i have so many things to say but too little time.
please excuse me.
i will, as always, update soon!

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Thought of You @12:05 PM



Monday, October 12, 2009'♥



ouh yes arh!
ive changed my module
from biomaterials module to
environmental science module.
im glad enough to say this because i wont get to face Dr. Kam.
annoying facilitator ive ever met on earth.
so i hope i have made th right decision in everything that ive made.

sister shared a story with me, and its really unbelieving.
when humans are revengeful and envious with someone else,
they would do anything just to grab it and to get th satisfaction.
leading people losing their loved ones.
subhanallah. please have mercy on these humans god.
why humans would do that. gaining everything in th world.
but how about th world after death. dont they think about it?
or do they have short knowledge about islam.
astaghfirullah'alazim. ya allah, jauhkan lah keluargaku dan orang-orang yang tersayang daripada syaitan yang bertopengkan manusia ini.
sesungguhnya, aku tidak mampu melihat hamba yang my sayangi ini menderita dan diseksa atas perbuatan orang. amin.

whats there to run after in the world when you know you are not bringing everything that you have earned to your coffin?
so please, put that nasty habit away.
just not anymore of people whom i love suffer to death.
its truly madly deeply painful to me.


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Thought of You @9:33 PM



'♥

sorry fo th lack of entries.
have been busy celebrating love's birthday during th weekends.
first and foremost;

let me take this golden opportunity (since im free now)
to wish my dearest loveliest boyfriend
a happy (belated) 21st birthday!
you know i love you darling ((:

everything was unplanned.
initially, we thought of going JB, but since most of them could not make it,
we changed plan to newton instead.

we had a lot of food!

1. barbecue stingray
2. boile cockles
3. gong gong
4. black pepper beef
5. sweet and sour chicken
6. fried kangkong belacan
7. prawn omellete


the whole 7 of us ((: who made th day.
the usual people around including

nadd and syafiq.
thank you very very much ((:


she is a nice girl though to me.
shes sweet and humble.
shes friendly and nice.

random me, i love this picture though.
thanks to nadd who is trying to capture a good image while walking


after which we went on separate ways.
and we went to Bt Timah fo a pool session.







love disallowed me to play pool.
and so i sat with liza and start snapping pictures.









we were so bored while waiting fo them to get over with pool.
so she accompanied me fo a smoke break along with girl's talk to fill up th deserted atmosphere.
and then, we played








we laughed a lot playing this game, lighting up th atmosphere.
it was a great day.
i hope that love loves th day.
it was really a memorable day fo me.

not forgetting sayang,
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY
ill write up a lil note fo you okay.

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Thought of You @2:20 PM



Thursday, October 08, 2009'♥


please give me some fresh air to breathe.
praises to God, ive pulled through my first week of lessons.
im doing great so far.
and im starting to fall in love with three modules which i have taken.
i hate th other one, biomaterial.
well to be specific, i find biomaterial is interesting but what i hate is th facilitator.
she is so annoying and she pretends to be th most fiercest facilitator in RP.
even when one ask a question, she will shout at you. how insane can she be?
fuck you.
i swear im going to kill her with my words one day.
because of her, i dare not to speak up in class.
i turn into a mouse having her in th class.
i tend to have low confidence and self-esteem.
i cant afford to lose all th capabilities in me.
and i dont mean to be sensitive.
but you know the qualities that you have fades away? and you need to build up on it again.
so that sucks when im starting to love th lesson and yet the facilitator is not working.

i feel like changing class or substitute with another module,
but then again, being fickle forever,
i think of enduring with her fo another 14 weeks.
god, i need mercy in everything that i do.
because i want to score well and i need people to be humble enough to conduct and delivery a good lesson.
amin.

anws, happy weekends.!
and love's birthday is in 2 days time, so is our anniversary.
i swear ive not prepared a little for him.
been planning and planning. hope it works ((:

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Thought of You @9:22 PM



Wednesday, October 07, 2009'♥


th background is my house, okay tk perlu lah aku nak bilang.
okay, this year, i went white with love because red sucks.
we searched fo th perfect red but there never is one fo love.

class was okay, im coping well in it. thank you god.
relationship is doing just fine. i hope it will remain this way, insya'allah.
friends are always there around me and i love you bitches.

ive removed my tagboard because:
i hate spammers. they are really a sicko in th dog's ass.
maybe they know how to write but not read and they obviously never go through my disclaimer.
if you are mentioning about me being a kpo here, define yourself then.
what makes you think i am one.? when i dont even invade your privacy.
and i hell do not know you at all. so please, stop being such a busy body.
and this is th third time that i see this happening and im really tired of it.
i have my limits too.
so if it is ever th same person, doing th same old thing,
and if you have a little problem with me, why not you approach me directly and tell me.
didnt i tell you that anyone can be motherfuckers in cyber?
well i can do it too.! like
FUCK YOU bitch.! get it.?
so let me make myself clear here.
THIS IS MY BLOG, MY SAY.
it is none of your fucking concern.
and i dont go knocking on your door, begging for food from your mother.
get it.?
ive lost my respect to people like you.
because i guess you are intruding my life and not me.
so please, get your knowledge right before having conclusions on me.
thank you, you asshole.

okay back.
love's cum our anniversary is on saturday.
and i really did nothing to it.
im really stressful right now.
can someone out there just give me an idea what to do fo th special day.

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Thought of You @11:56 AM



Tuesday, October 06, 2009'♥


announcement!
im back to school. blahhhh~~
nothing special though.
but i made new friends and im quite familiar with my classmates.
and im getting a hang of it.
so far so good.
but still, i need to get a good sleep because my eye bags are getting thicker.

ouh yes, as much as i am concern, just in case you dont know.
i kept everything to myself.
because im not kpo.
because when i come to think about it again, id rather keep it in private because it doesnt bother me at all.
their relationship, they amend it.
but me, as a bestfriend here, will just play my part.
im minding my own business, just so you know alright.
id rather feel guilty than making it worst.
thank you.
i made myself clear now? okay go.

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Thought of You @2:11 PM



Monday, October 05, 2009'♥


i miss you, thats it.

Thought of You @11:23 AM



Thursday, October 01, 2009'♥


im really confused.
both are my friends.
and i dont wish to be th middle person.
nor do i want them to fight or having myself to lose th both of them.
but i dont know what to do.

God, please help me.
i despise everything, especially th darkest secret of someone.
and he/she betrayed my trust or even th other party.
should i just remain silence.?
but ill be feeling guilty, forever.
why must i know this in th first place.?

and i think you are pretending to be an angel.
after everything that had happened,
i have my own conclusion.
but ill not lay it down here.
maybe you should know th answer.

and to th other of my friend.
i have my reasons not to tell.
but with god's help, he will open you heart and mind
and you will soon find out th truth.

after that, i know you will never turn back.
and i think you deserve someone better.
im really sorry.


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Thought of You @8:39 PM







Shake.It.Bitch.


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NURUL SHAHEDA
Republic Polytechnic
Dip. Material Science
A year older on 2508
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Hamirul Hasraff
A Year older on 1010
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