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Monday, June 30, 2008'♥

so yea , i have just completed my complicated reflection journal (RJ) .
[ so random of me to talk about school thingy , i know ]

school was great , no monday blues ((:
i had lab just now . observing on the tensile strength of a polymer .
ok , ill stop it . it seems like no one have the idea about what am i talking about .
anw , i had understanding test after school .
our class ended at 3 , and i decide to make full use of another hour to study .
but i keep on procastinating . when it came to last minute , i like went kanchong !
so yea , i screwed my test like a lot . i didnt study for it like obviously .
and thanks ehk mole , for making me go crazy calculating and calculating .

i rushed down to meet him because he told me he was sick due to diarrhea and a high fever .
so yea , we talked things out . i apologised for my mistakes and he does that too .
thats what i call a relationship , you know where your mistake lies , and you are willing to make up for it . so yea , we have settle things down , tend to stop fighting over small things . so i love the way he whispered in my ear explaning to me . but he sacrificed a lot even when he was sick , he came down to my school just to fetch me home . awww , so sweet of you baby ((:

we went to bazaar and i decide to send him home , because he was realli sick . he wanted to buy a top for me but i rejected because he is sick . ala , baju mane2 bolei bli . kesihatan tu penting syg ((:

i walked with him to his void deck . and from far , he told me that his mom is lookin at me , and i go like ' huh ? alamak ? how ? ala .. ' so i sent him off right at his doorstep and he asked me to go in . and i was like leg shaking la kan .. haha . den we had a small chit chat . first time sia i met his mother . ok la gerek . everything was unplanned , thanks to baby ehk . notty you

i accompanied him to the doctor wit his mom and his lil bro . i was shocked when i get to know his temperature was 39.2 degrees Celsius . like so high ! we walked here and there , i was like so shy la . i donno what to talk to his mother .
it was great , and i appreciate that okei .

so hoping for a better tomorrow .
and baby get well soon .
i have you in my heart and mind whenever i utter some prayers before i sleep .
minom air byk2 okei

UPDATE SOON !

Thought of You @10:36 PM



'♥

on random note ,

IT SUCKS A LOT WHEN SOMEONE LIE TO YOU .
AS SIMPLE AS THAT , NO MORE ELABORATION .
NOW , IM GONNA BE SOMEONE WHOM IVE NOT BEEN LATELY .
THANKS EHK ((:

Thought of You @2:34 PM



Sunday, June 29, 2008'♥

heylo ! ( ok la , i like so random kan ? )
anihoos , on 28/06 marks the last day of me contributing service to royal sporting house . since GSS are over , i can have all my weekends to myself and my loved ones . i have been craving to go out on saturdays . all these while , i have been working during the weekends and that has made my life felt so empty . so yea , at last , i get to breathe in some fresh air ((:
waiting for my pay and im done with my debts . ill pay all the leftover now , and one problem is gone . i have two more pays that i have yet to receive right ? pay my phone bills and do a little bit of shopping and enjoying . i deserve to enjoy life now ((:

school has never been better . upcoming test and i am still not done with doing revision . well , what more can i say , i am a procastinator ((: and yes , PP ! i am doing the introduction about the company and reading the resources now so that i can start telling stories to my advisor later . ouh gosh , i am meeting datelines .

anw , me and him , hmm , what am i suppose to talk about .
we have been suffering for 3 weeks to get things right . we had hard time trying to get along with each other , i really need a lot of time . i am sorry for hurting you everytime we meet up . i dont mean it but its just the past that has been buggin on me . i hope you understand and play your part . you knew nothing when we were together , i have been keeping a lot from you . but i look up on you for your patience and endurance towards me . i appreciate it a lot . and now , i am trying to pick myself up again .

pardon me for my last post . it was meant to be for someone .

i am still considering . its time to get my butts on studies , REALLI .
update soon ((:

Thought of You @1:13 PM



Friday, June 27, 2008'♥

this post will go out specially to you , so bear with it aite ?

thanks like zillions for tagging me . i appreciate that a lot .
but that is not what i really want from you . for goodness sake !
i wonder why is it that you only start tagging when you were publicised ?
because you don't wish people to think bad about you ?
why is it that the time when i waited for you at your void deck , you did not turn up ?
isn't that cruel of you , to do such things when my intention was good & that is to talk to you ?
but do you give me the chance to explain everything ? nahh , you did not .
i know you have moved on , and i should say this to you , ' I AM GLAD ((: '

i don't even have the intentions to make you be my wall , to be my backbone or my last resort friend .
let me get this straight in your head aite .
and heylo , it is not about me finding you only after the break , i did try to call you , and treat you as a fren like anyone does , but you off your phone . BUT your battery was flat .
but then you deleted me in msn , like wad de hell ? tell me what is wrong with you ?
you give me that drastic changes , like wads up with you ?
ok , i noe your intention was good , you dont want my BF to think bad about you , but why does it have to happen only like now ? then , how about the last 18 months when i met you ? dont tell me you pity me . if you have moved on at that point of time , you would have ignored me in the past . dont tell me you regretted for meeting me up in the first place . im not dredging up the past , get this right . it is something that you have done that makes me cant get over it .

& alhamdulillah , cause you let me be happy with him . so nice of you ((: like only till now you utter those words to me . like after thoussands of me meeting you up . you said that i look out for you when i fight with him , dont tell me i dont sneak out to meet you in the middle of the night even when i dont fight with him . you dont know what is inside me right ? so why are doing all those assumptions ? i look up on you because you are someone who i can depend on . if you dont understand me , you wont be there for me . you were the one cheering me up , and im thankful for all the effort that you done for me . even the time when i broke up with you , realli a clean break , dont tell me we did not meet up ? come on la .

what are you trying to say when you tell me that you were not what you are in the past ? is it meant to be a positive or negative ? and how can you convince me ? i dont even care la if you have changed or something okei . let me tell you this , this is not what i am referring to .

so you are trying to tell me that im stuck up kid ? pardon me , it is you that makes me feel stuck up . go reflect and lets not talk much . because i find it like so kental berbual kt net lah kan . tkot ngn bayang2 sndiri ?

omg ! and you mentioned that i have dumped you ? haha . nice shot brother . because you get it wrong . you make me feel so shitty you know that ? start changing after i dont have the heart to continue with your freaking attitude sume . you lied to me so much , even when you go club . haha . i still remember what had happened . and even fareez cover your bontot okei when you went there . when you went there , you lied to me ? tell me uh . you said you chilled around , like heylo . im not that freaking stupid . and you asked me , ' ouh , fareez pegi club bolei pulak. ' like a big wtf kan ? me and him has got nothing to do with each other at that point of time . you big fat liar .

enough said , im so tired .
but let me tell you this , the reason as to why i cant over it even 2 years has gone .
go reflect and ill give you out some clues aite .
it happened opposite my block , block 476 .
it is around 12 ++ and you did not let me go home .
we watched little man earlier with my sister and her ex-BF.
you wore the green shirt i bought for you .
go figure ((:

Thought of You @10:11 PM



'♥

time check : 1346 hrs (27/06)

i havee been suffering a lot today & i obviously don't know why .
the drastic changes which happens before my very eyes is just something i couldnt accept .
i just wanna go shouting , ' WHERE THE HELL HAVE I GONE WRONG ? '
why does everything have to be these way ?
why do i have to face another when i'm done with one ?
why do you suddenly ignore me ?
i just cant wait for the class to end , REALLY .
its really hurting when i felt as if i'm alone in the class .
ouh gosh , i'm picking myself up .
i understand God is challenging me .
it seemed so obvious when i came back to school .
everything change .
lets not state , it has got nothing to do with anyone .
you are pressuring me on things that is not worth to think of .

thanks yana , for listening to all my sorrows .
you are the only one who have been motivating me , cheering me up , & everything just to make me smile .
you mean a lot to me .
thanks for the friendship .
you are the best , i swear .

& i dont mind if you wanna ignore .
i know friends come and go .
or maybe , im just too senssitive .
but i wonder whats behind your objective for treating me in such a manner when i did nothing to you ?
aarrgh , ape-ape la kan !

and to you hamirul hasraff .
i dont mind at all if you wanna ignore me .
be it , i dont regret a thing if i lose you .
you mean nothing to me , but a cruel human being .
i know you can lead a better life with all the intangible assets that you have gained now .
after all , it is not the money that you will be bringing along to your grave .
remember what you did to me , i never wanna mention it here .
because i know that people would think it is unbelievable for you to do such things to girls .
and if i mention it , im just degrading yourself .
so once again , you should thank me because i have been giving you some space and dignity .
but if you wanna go on hating me , then i have the right to hate you .
but you are making me think about the bad things you have done , you ASSHOLE .
if revenge is what you have been adapting since the time you were born .
dont make me go to such extent where your future will be nothing OR so dark .
i am being considerate enough to think about your future .
anw , im not threatening you , but you make me wanna do it .
so how . i dont want you to regret .
if you think you are still young , and you still wanna play this game , im on .
and ill make sure that you will really really lose , amir .
dont ask me why , but just go and reflect .
im stupid for falling over a guy like you .

memang btol uh kau ckp bygones be bygones , tapi kalo maruah wise , tk kn aku nk diam kan ?
ko pukol aku sume ?
aku diam tao , aku byk telan .
and , jgn cabar aku . ko jgn ingt aku tkde bukti untok semuanya .
aku tk sekejam yg ko sangke kan .
TAPI kalau kau masih tk nk sedar , aku akan buat .
ill make you beg on my knees uh .




Thought of You @1:46 PM



Wednesday, June 25, 2008'♥

what have you been doing recently?
surfing the net and blogging shits about him .

do you ever turn your cell phone off?
like duh ~ . especially when i had a bad fight . but now no more ((:

what happened at 10am today?
i am still in bed . i woke up at 1030 and wake him up .

when did you last cry?
last two days ? and now happi ((:

what is your favourtie thing to eat with a peanut butter?
i dont eat peanut butter . PIMPLES !

what do you want in your life right now?
a happy and meaningful people by my side .

do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
i put up a hood . i look so makcik2 bringing an umbrella .

what's your favourite thing to have on your bed?
my piyo - piyo ((:

what bottom are you wearing now?
butterfly dress ? HAHA

whats the nicest text in your inbox say?
princess , i miss you ((:

do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
what for ? when it is already complicated in the first place .
ASSHOLE right ?

are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
nahh , all mine ((:

what was the last movie you caught?
what happens in vegas ?

what are you proud of?
having a bf like him , REALLI .

what does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
bile bolei amik buku ? (when can i take my book ? )

what was the last song you sang out loud?
over you - chris daughtry

do you have any nicknames?
bubul & shasha . ( thanks to yana )

what does your last received text message say? who was it from?
bul , mit ya at 3.15 . btw rokok tgl 5 . i smoke 2 ..

what time did you go to bed last night?
2++ . 79 minutes on the phone ((:

are you currently happy?
i am very happy , esctatic , what else ?

who gives you best advice?
lyana , niza and jaja . my happy pills

do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
never , like disgusting right . the next person to have it , have my saliva .

who did you talk on phone last night?
who else if not my adorable and lovely boifren

is anything bugging you right now?
yes , dat fucking jerk who spoilt me .

what/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
my mother and her childish-ness . ((:

do you wear toe socks?
does that exist ? i dont even know .

who was th last person you missed a call from?
yours truly ,

have you ever had your heartbroken?
yea , like countless ? especially in the past , when he got caught red handed .

what annoys you most in a person?
being so kind hearted and forgive people after he brings my pride down .

do you have a crush on anyone?
ermm , let mi think .

nahh .

have you ever done cocaine?
never , i know ill be in deep shit .

what is the colour of your room?
orange !

would you kill someone you hate for a billion dolar?
yes i would kill you scumbag .
killing you who is worthless for a billion dolar is worth it !

do you believe in the saying, 'talk is cheap'?
duh , it is cheaper than i can ever think of . erm , FREE ?

who was the last person to lie in your bed?
my mother , who else ?
i slept with her every night . manje kan ((:

who was the last person to hug you?
my boifren , the best and tightest hug i got .

did anyone see the last person you kissed?
nahh . we check out for blind spot . LOL !

do you have a life?
m not currently , because im doing this .

have you ever think someoe died? when they really didnt?
yes , it was scary . i even teared down , i dont want her to go .

what is the reason behind your profile song?
de javu ((:

who was the last person you saw in your dream ?
momok !

last time you smiled?
in the morning , when mother she said i stink . LOL !

have you changed this year?
yes , i changed to be a better person . but not my annoying feelings .

what are you listening right now and which ear?
stand up for love - destiny child . with a earphone stuck in my left ear .

are you talking to someone when you are doing this?
nah , mind concentration babe/dude .

so you walk with your eyes open or closed?
open la oi ! i never want to tumble and fall .
& i onli sleep walk when i was small .

is there a quote you live by?
never regret BUT smile for at least it happen .

do you want someone you cant have?
yea , chris brown and christiano ronaldo .

have you ever played an instrument?
yes , harmonica in sec one .

what was the worst idea you've had in a week?
to take revenge . & even kill myself when im so low .
tsk tsk .

what were you doing last night at 11pm?
sitting with my gf at the play ground . girls talk

are you happy with your love right now?
yea , it got better since that BABI sudden absence .

what song best describe your love life?
dangerously in love - destiny child .

does the person know that you like him/her?
yea , obviously .

who always make you laugh?
my bf . he and his ideas .

do you speak other language other than english?
of course , malay

favourite website?
friendster and blogspot .

whats your middle name?
shaheda ?

what are you doing tomorrow?
school and tutoring and 19th month ((:

what do you think you are like?
crazy & loud (:

who will you choose to die with?
no one , let me negotiate and make enquiries with GOD can ?

where have you been today?
none except for moving around the house .
from bedroom to kitchen and to the living room .

what game do you play often?
luxor . HAHA .

who are you missing right now?
my boifren .

if you've to choose between friends and loves, who will you choose?
im being greedy , but i want both . DIE DIE

what are you doing right now?
doing this endless quiz .

which primary school are you from?
Jin Tai Primary School

name 3 colours that you like?
white , black & pink .

what emotion you like to show?
pout and squiting of eyes .

what is your life to you?
challenging & endless problems

if you have something troubling you, what will you do?
work for it and settle it asap .
i hate dragging matters okei .

who did you last chat in msn today?
farhana , my best mate when i was sec 3 .

what kind of person are you?
im bad at judging . you judge can ?

which month are you born in?
august ((: NATIONAL DAY MONTH

how are you feeling right now?
nothing , neutral .

what is the time now?
1 : 25 pm .

what kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
pretty , friendly , crazy like me , sweet , kind , cute .

what color did you use to dye your hair?
rusty brown , but it turn out like SO different .

why are you doing this test?
because SRI tag me .

what do you do when you're moody?
hang up the phone , hurl vulgarities , and call the person back . HAHA

at which age you wish to get married?
23 / 24 . dah plan ehk . LOL . remember your fetility rate people . LOL !

who is more important to you? gfs or friends ?
GIRLFRIENDS

if today is the last day of your life,what will you do?
seek forgiveness from everyone i have met on earth before .

do you beieve in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
i learn science , and i believe so .

if you have a dream come true, what would it be?
to lead a meaningful life , less arguments .
get a car liscence and a car .
drive my mom back to kampong .
and give her the money to mekkah .
and be successful person , never a failure .

what is your goal for this year?
treat and be nice to all .
best grade for all module .
to go on a holiday with boifren .

do you believe in eternity love?
nahh .
romeo & juliet again .

what feeling do you love the mosst?
be high & happy always .

do you realli think its global warming now?
yeep . singapore is implementing 'no plastic day' on wednesday .
also , fuel to biofuel .

what feeling you hate the most?
to hate people , intense anger .

do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
of course , if not i wont cry when i lost my bestfriends and friends .

do you belive in god?
yes , absolutely !

who cares for you most?
mother , sibs , bf & gfs .

what do you think is the most important thing in your life?
my essential assets la .

what will you bring when you fight?
parang , i mengamok burok okei !

what have you done regretted doing in your life?
giving in to the person who i must not give in .

what would you feel that no one longer cares for you?
forlorn badly . breakdown . emo .

what if your stead two-timed you?
i will pretend to not feel aniting and kill him softly from the back and two/three time him ? LOL !

what song will you dedicate to anyone who you hate ?
take a bow .


instruction : remove one question from the above and add in your own personal question & bold. next, list 10 people whom you would want them to do this , at the end of the post . notify him/her that she/he has been tagged .

1. noorilyana
2. niza
3. lily
4. sahirah
5. fyeza
6. teera
7. anione la .

Thought of You @1:44 PM



Tuesday, June 24, 2008'♥

ouh , so finally , i am back to school .
after 12 days of suffering and sleepless nights , thanks to you , for turning my eyes like a panda .
im back to my old me , which is go out in the middle of the night , and only come home after 6 in the morning .
anw , life has been pretty hectic la , i did this and that , and yet no one appreciate it .


& to you motherfucker ,
THANKS FOR BEING A BIG FAT ENORMOUS LIAR , YOU DITCHED ME ALOT .
NOW THATS ENOUGH .
YOU MAY BE MY FIRST LOVE BUT YOU ARE NEVER TRUE .
YOU HAVE NOTHING APART FROM THE BIKE THAT YOU HAVE .
IM MOVING ON , LIKE FINALLY . ANITHING FOR THAT ?
I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU , I HAVE PITIED YOU BUT NO MORE NOW .
YOU WANNA PLAY TH GAME ? LETS KEEP THE BALL ROLLING .
YOU THINK IM BAD , I CAN BE WHAT YOU NEVER THINK OF AITE ?

to you my lover ,
im feeling the love now .
it has made me realise when we had heart to heart talk for the whole day .
you made me smile , you pick me up again after being hurt countless of times .
i wake up now , realli ((:
i appreciate everything that you have done , especially the sacrifices .
im sorry for turning you down , demoralise you for mistakes you have made .
yea , since you and mi is here to stay , lets make it reall this time okei ?

i feel the love in the air , i adore you .
though you came on the later part of my life , i know you are so true .

Thought of You @8:58 AM



Saturday, June 21, 2008'♥


yea , i was bored right now .
so i went to look out for pichas .
and ive decide to share with you guys .
the time when i grow and i shrink .
i laughed when i browsed through the picture .
along of reminiscing the moments when i took the pictures , reflection ((:
im going to take more pictures , i mean better ones .
because most of the pictures i rilli look so geli .
so enjoi peeps ((:
ouh , i miss you .

when i was 15 ( ignore my eyebrow people )




when i was 16 ..





see, tembam kan ((: LOL !

when i was 17 ..






when im 18 ((:








special day , im still counting on to it .
ouh , ' telor crispy ' , make it happen can ?

on random note , i miss frying telor crispy ((:
LOVED
IMY



Thought of You @12:00 AM



Thursday, June 19, 2008'♥

hey people !
im thinking what should i do now .
life has been really hectic yeah ?
this month is the bad month ever .
sudden changes by people , living in traumatic world .
and now im hunger for your love .
ala , stop it ehk , relationship pegi , relationship balik .

anw anw anw .
i have decided to let this blog to be viewed only by my friends .
and some to those who they think they are not imptt to me when actually they are .
people to certant extents , i dont wish to hurt people's feelings when they read up my post .
erm , if you noe wad im talking about .
so how ? i need opinions man .
or should i just not mention it in my blog ?
but , i think i should . OK BYE , aku fickle-minded .
so yea , to all my friends , and some thought-they-are-not-impott to me. tag mi with your mails . and ill keep it updated .

((: LOVES

its so painful now .
im feeling it turning upside down .
i may collapse anytime now .
i cant stand it , im so sick .

Thought of You @9:10 PM



'♥

after much considering , i have decided to let all the matters rest . ill leave everything to God and let time to settle everything . i have done my part to do everything that i can , so if i still need to wait , then ill have to .

in the meantime , lets not talk about relationships/friendships or wadeva ships i have yet to sail on. i think it's of no use mentioning about the past , the present . all i need to think of is my future . so im not going to dissapoint my mother animore . ill make it reall this time mother .
wadeva promise that i owe to anione , i am still keeping on to it . ill not break any promises made . so , it all depends on you . but to leave me in this state , which i dont do that to you in the past , then i dont see a reason why you do all these to me .


to who ever it may concern ;
sekiranya ini takdir yg harus i terima , i redha atas semuanya .
dan jika ini balasan yg harus i trime dgn care you layan me , i trime .
tapi jgn selalu menyalahkn diri i atas ape yg dah berlaku .
kite bersalah , kite berdua .

' aint about your pride , aint about yourself .
its about the two of you and no one else .
aint about the hurt , aint about the lies .
aint about the crazy things that's running through your mind .
its about the love that's supposed to last and never die . '

please read this carefully . please , i beg you .


Thought of You @12:37 PM



Wednesday, June 18, 2008'♥

a picture worth thousands smile .
i only have this picture in my laptop .
have more to come and re-collect .
yea , it brings lots of memories .
and i smile whenever i think of it .
ouh life has been miserable .
trying and ill keep trying to make it better .
ill promise you .
are you giving me false hope .
i have been waiting for you .
anw , school . lets talk about it .
in the meantime , lost interest .
tmr , physics UT and yet i dont give a damn .
LOL !
ill do wad i can afford to .
ok .
i ve been speaking a lot
i guess i typed more than a miliion words today .
my fingers need some rest now .
((: UPDATE SOON , LOVES

Thought of You @7:44 PM



'♥

i was like freaking tired la kaannn .
i have not been doing or adapting to these ton-ning for so long okei .
so since dah single - mingle ni kann , i take the freedom i have to do whatever i want .
it was unexpected , never do we plan right friends ?
so wwe intended to stay til 4 or 5am .
but then we ended up till 9 am okei .
we were laughing in the morning around 7++ , when people are rushing to work .
me and my nonsensical behaviour ((:

well , yesterday , i just felt like going there and waited for you .
i knew you have reached home . but i just sat there . maybe ill just waste time while waiting for my friends .
so it happened unexpectedly . i give it a very last shot .
i hope those are promises , i hope you wont turn me down .
im waiting for these days .
well , ill just have to wait for you to wake up .
waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting

i talked alot with my friends and we were damn noisy sia .
they were 4 of us ; Hafiz , Me, Jaja & Dzuhir .
so we talked from topic to topic ; relationship , experience , life , death , secondary school days , opinions & many many more .

mom randomly askd me for the second time .

mom : you broke up with fareez is it ?
me : -.- yea . like finally ((:
mom : because of amir ?
me : yea , and many other stuff that i disagree with fareez . a if hes so purrfect .
mom : ouh okei . i guess you should not get too tense with that adek .relax , cool yourself down . think what is best . if that is what you want , work for it .

i told mother everything , from A to Z . how it all started , and how it all ended . i did not only list down his mistakes , i did mine too . & i felt better after talking with mom , like a bestfriend of mine .
thanks mama , i will listen to you .

i would take these opportunity to thank my dearest bestfriend , NOORILYANA for being there when i am really down . she has helped me throughout till the shit has ended . and she accompanied me till wee hours just to prepare something . and she msged me to know wads going on during hols . thanks yana , for being there , for setting aside a lil bit of ur time for me , for cheering me up , for thinking some of the way out and possibility . you advice me alot alot alot .

and to NURANIZA ANIS, who is like so matured la kan (mind her age , she speak like an adult ) . you have helped me alot . you will always keep yourself updated about me and my life . advice things that has never come across my mind .

and to those not listed , thanks . you know who you are . i did my part , i am at fault . well i have my flaws . so yea , a BIG thank you to you guys for cheering me up and supporting me from the back .

and now , i guess i noe what i want . and ill work for it and for my future too .

are you willing to hold my hand , and walk towards the sun , and start everything anew without dredging up the past ?

im looking forward ((:
praying for the best

and to you ; all guys have ego , but what matters most is how big their EGOs are . but i guess yours is too big , that you behave like so childish . please la , i aint someone who shares the same mindset as you . thanks for waking me up . i just wanna see like till when you survive (bbl bongkak kan ) . dont tear , be strong . for all these while , i think you suit to be my bestfriend . you are wrong for revealing your weaknesses towards me which i very much disagree to your stand . take care siol ((:

Thought of You @5:56 PM



Tuesday, June 17, 2008'♥

things has got a lil bit tougher now .
i never thought it would be so difficult to cure someone's heart .
till yesterday ; i did what i can to , do anything with thick face .
cause i noe im in the wrong , so have to face it lah kann .
so , an X-LARGE thank you to all the people who have been supporting me .



nothing much basically . yesterday was like lepak-ing sessions ehk with my friends after like so long . hafiz was even shocked with my presence .
got back home in the middle of the night , because i just have to listen to you & your mom .
i know its wrong , i shouldnt be outside during that hour .
but yea , since doubts are not clear , ill take the risk and do wadeva i can . ((:



i did not slept the whole night yesterday .
prepared something which i guess the only thing i could afford to .
thanks besfren , for accompanying me till the wee hours .
i appreciate it a lot .
i promised myself that i will stop crying , but i cant help it .
well , i hope it will heal soon .
all i can do is wait right ?
well , hoping for something good now .



and ais , if you didnt answer my call . i am absolutely fine with it . i didnt mean to hurt you . but you challenge me . really , so you face the consequences aite . dont regret , really just dont . i had enough of your hackcare-ness towards me .
'kalo you pike i jahat sgt , knape you maseh nk ngn i? '
' pardon me ? im going to leave you now '



i guess i should just let all the matters faced rest first .
let time do the talking and im willing to wait untill the end of time .
i dont mind .



i hope you read my blog , because every little things mentioned , its you that i think of .



anw , i went for an interview for my PP scope just now with Prosafe Production .
it was quick and simple .
alhamdullilah , i have the sources to start working on it .
looking forward for a better tomorrow .



update soon !
i need a nap now .



to who it may concern ;
I MISS YOU .



lets take it slow .

ouh Dr. Love , i need a medicine for my heart ):

Thought of You @4:50 PM



Monday, June 16, 2008'♥

I was blown away
What could I say
It all seemed to make sense
You've taken away everything
And I can't deal with that
I try to see the good in life but good things in life are hard to find
We'll blow it away, blow it away
Can we make this something good?
Well I'll try to do it right this time around
Let's start over
Try to do it right this time around
It's not over
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground
This love is killin me
But you're the only one
It's not over
I've taken all I can take
And I cannot wait
We're wastin too much time
Bein strong, holdin on
Can't let it bring us down
My life with you means everything
So I won't give up that easily
I'll blow it away, blow it away
Can we make this something good?
Cause it's all misunderstood
chris daughtry - its not over
to whoever that has been letting me listen to alternative songs .
i guess this one suit the best for us .
i teared when i reminisce the best parts in our relationhip .
though it has long faded to your eyes , it is still fresh in my mind .
i cried the moment i think of the best parts in our relationship .
monthsarry celebrations , the families' outings , the dinners evryday .
why does it all have to end ?
you can blame me because i did not play my part in the relationship .
i am regretting now . and regretting more with your avoidance .
im just trying to work things out , between the both of us .
the frenship/relationship that we used to have .
i want it to last long .
i dont want to get over it .
please , for wadeva reasons , i need you back in my life .
i know you are hurt , but let bygones be bygones .
give me the chance to start everything anew .
that song means a lot to me the moment you were gone .
i miss you .
and baby , ill wait for you .
cause i dono wad else i can do .
dont tell me i ran out of time .
if it takes the rest of my life .
ouh gallery , you sang in front of me , emphasising on things which is worth for me .
we belong together . (our favourite song)
you detest it when i tune in to emotions .
right here is the song you gave me to tell me evrything .
and now , im thinking of a song to share everything to you .
i wont quit even if it takes my breath away .
and white is your favourite colour((:

Thought of You @12:11 PM



Thursday, June 12, 2008'♥

its finally over and done .
im left with one more to go .
this time ill make it right .
turth hurts , but your heart , your feelings for someone never lies .
if you love him/her , you mean it .
& when you say you hate him/her , you mean it .
ill do it , please God , i need the courage to make the friendship i had , last .
im going to do this right , make it right only if you give me the chance for doing so.
though i sound so desperate , the bottom line is
I NEED YOU OLD FRIEND OF MINE

Thought of You @7:20 PM



'♥

sorri people but this is going to be a long post . if you hate reading , shut it la ! as simple as dat !
tell me how should i react when such things happen ?
should i cry when you were laughing ?
should i think when you were smiling ?
should i tell the truth when you are telling me lies ?
well , i guess i should smile fo it happened at THE least .
and thank god for letting me be strong and giving me the strength to carry on with my life .
i guess im done here , doing wad i can to control everything .
but thanks to that immoral words of yours , im leaving you .
i have my dignity , i have everything that i dont think you have . ((:
i dont love bragging but you love to .
i dont wreck up the past but you do .
i dont shout over the phone but you love to .
and you told me this , ' accept me for who i am '
after 18 months , why not tell me earlier than that ?
erm , i am rilli curious , tell me who can give those indulgence for you ?
even if they tolerate , tell me how long will it last ?
you have been wrecking up the past ; mentioning about me and amir , when i dont do it animore .
ouh , i played behind your back ?
now tell me are you sincere enough in this rship ?
have you been faithful to me in the first place ?
what did you do over in thailand ? what did you do on our first day of relationship ?
' i ingt i tk kekal ngn you , sbb tu i buat gituk ' . ridiculous kn people . now it last till today , how ?
who were you with after the break up ? my own fucking bestfriend !
who were you with when we fight ? who were you talking to till you delete those files in the folder and u suddenly wanna move on badly ? what is that innocent girl picture doing in your phone when you dont have mine at all ? 2 or 3 of her pictures okei , her alone . think ais .
[ i am not blaming the girl , because she noes nothing ]
what kind of excuses you gave me when you were caught red handed , acknowledging her that you have changed no . ? ' i lupe nk sae fila nye no. la . '
so now ...
am i wrong for meeting amir ?
am i wrong for exchanging no. with amir ?
is it wrong for me to go out with amir when you do that to me ?
if you have your intelligent reasons , i have mine too
this is not a retribution but karma . neither do i realise that . my fault ?
people owaes say , blame yourself before others . you make things happen , remember ?
amir told me this
' dont break up with him . endure if you have to . make it last if you still can . dont end every sweet moments you had with him like how you left me '
how good can he be ?
is he bad enuff ?
when he is there considering your feelings and not mine ?
when he gave his point of view as a guy ?
if it is not amir , den to who should i rely on now ?
when you werent there to make me happi ?
you ignore me when im all tear down .
tell me tell me tell me !!!
you force me to do things i cant .
you made me cry and you hang up the phone .
tell me what kind of a boifren are you ?
do i deserve all these ais ?
why are you killing my soft heart slowly and painfully ?
WHY WHY WHY ? have i not been sacrificing enough ?
you told your friend i shouted over the phone .
you told your friend , that i played behind your back .
you told your friend that i suck a lot .
you pretend to be the innocent , you pretend to be faithful , you pretend to be the angel .
when you are just a two faced human being .
and to all fareez azhar's friend/cousin who is reading my blog now , i am not pulling down his pride , but this is the fucking truth ok . all you guys thought it was my fault , you have only been listening to one party .
ade die ckp , he ignore me because he dont like fighting .
now bloggers , you love to fight with your bf/gf ?
no right ?
but if things happen , be it one party starts it or wadeva ,
if you love that person , will you handle it , will you console him/her ?
but ais dont . because the bottom line is he did not love me .
you guys should have read my text .
all the three words he uttered every night was all fake .
'i force myself to love , and i manage it in the end '
i thought love cant be force , it will come naturally ? but why is he forcing himself ?
now that is ridiculous !
ill stop here , because it is endless .
and to people whom i have mention in this blog , besides him , i am sorry but i just want you to know wads deep down in my heart . telling him face to face wont work . and i have no other choices left but to do this . i know , you will realise after you read this .
im not going to leave until you are done with me . - now i realised the reasons as to why you said that to me whenever we fought . i am done with you now , you can take you steps .
unpredictable ! - that was what your friend told me .

Thought of You @12:33 PM



'♥

How bout a round of applause?

Standin ovation...

Ooooh Yeah yeah yeah yeah


You look so dumb right now

Standin' outside my house

Tryin' to apologize

You're so ugly when you cry

(Please)

Just cut it out


Don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not

Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught


But you put on quite a show

You really had me goin'

But now it's time to go

Curtains finally closin'

That was quite a show

Very entertainin'

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow


Grab your clothes and get gone

(You better hurry up)

Before the sprinklers come on

Talkin' bout "Girl, I love you you're the one..."

This just looks like a re-run

(Please)

What else is on?


And don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not

Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught


But you put on quite a show

You really had me goin'

But now it's time to go

Curtains finally closin'

That was quite a show

Very entertainin'

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow


And the award for the best liar goes to you

For makin' me believe

That you could be

Faithful to me

Let's hear your speech oh...


How bout a round of applause?

Standin' ovation...

But you put on quite a show

You really had me goin'

But now it's time to go

Curtains finally closin'

That was quite a show

Very entertainin'

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow

But it's over now...


it makes me tear when evrytime i listen to this song .

it somehow has got something to do with my life right now .

really , i noe you have been telling your friends that we are getting far apart .

well, wads the point of telling your fren when you are not working on it right ?

wads the point of you being a guy ? tell me wads the use of ur brain besides your nonsensical yet irritating and lame jokes ?

i just need the reasons .


i have been trying alone ; finding the most deepest cut . to heal the wound , ALL BY MYSELF .

you are unpredictable , you are someone with two faces .

ouh you know how much i detest that .

you tell people that it was my fault , and now let mi tell you okei ?

all these while , you have been pretending to be right in any situation , and put all the blame on me . and me , being the most stupid woman , listen to you , keep things on the low and always give in .


tell me what should i do now ?

tell me what more do you want from me ?


Thought of You @2:14 AM



Wednesday, June 11, 2008'♥

havee been busy .
ssooorrrriii for my absence peeps .

things hass been out of place .
realli & i am trying my best to make it last and happen .
but some things which are better not mentioned here .
i have been crying badly in the train everyday .
trying to pick myself up , bit by bit .

dont get me wrong , me and him has been better .
ill been an active blogger when school reopens i guess .
for now , im so lethargic .
ouh , i need a peaceful sleep which i have not been getting .

ouh , can that person just make me smile .
where have you been that leads you to these way ?


ssaruoyrevocdnaeilotdeentsujisemitemos


Thought of You @9:58 PM



Saturday, June 07, 2008'♥

ok thanks ehk image uploader .
i wanted to upload pics , but somehow it took so long to upload .
so i kinda get lazy to upload pics now .

so briefly, i cant get myself to sleep .
all thanks to the diet pill im consuming right now .
i'm having BAD , i mean RRREEEEALLLL BBBAAADDDD constipation .
have been eating banana , drinking lots of plain water , but none seems to help .
urgh nemind , i guess i need the patience .

im gonna start a new work tomorrow .
& hell yes , i am so eager but nervous at the same time .
the pay is like $ 7 per hour .
and ill be working 12 hours .
im handling three jobs and school right now .
and my head is going haywire .
stress ehk , bodo nye hutang .

ok bye . ((:

Thought of You @12:47 AM



Tuesday, June 03, 2008'♥

Little Green Menok im currently tuning into janet jackson ft nelly - call on me .
it was my favourite song back then . and im starting to fall in love with it again .
it reminds mi of dejavu . how sweet can it be ((((:
having a mysterious guy right beside you in your dream .
& you forget about it when you woke up the next morning .

yes , when i suddenly felt like downloading the song back again .
and tuning into the song while exploring .
dejavu hitting me . and when i turn , haha , my bf la .
now then i noe who is dat mysterious guy .
my boifren , FAREEZ AZHAR (:
ouh ok , i noe it may be like duh ! to you guys .
but i just love it so much sei :D

on random note (thanks to niza who love being random)
im starting to adore my no. 1 fan , CHRIS BROWN .
die my hawtstuff tao . like omg la dier .
i browsed through his video with bf just now .

me: bie u tgk uh die joget. baik sei
bf : aar sei . lawa sei die joget .
me: bie cute nye die
me : bie , lawa la die joget
me : bie , baik kn die , sexay body sia
me : adorable sia
me : hensem nye die

and bf goes -.-
ok sorri bf . i noe im irritating la just now . but i cant help it .
how i wish chris brown performs in singapore , ill save up or beg mother for money just to watch his concert . i want the first front sit la ok ! haha

ok people , good nyte .
ill update more frequently now (:

Thought of You @12:09 AM







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