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Thursday, April 30, 2009'♥

im just plain busy to update in school .
it is really stressing when i dont even understand th problem of th day .
it sucks a hell time when there is too many theory .
molding processes , causes and prevention of defects . wth !
im not in th mood .
dawn is super slow and it is going to consume my time to go tpy later .
which means ill end later .

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Thought of You @2:21 PM



Wednesday, April 29, 2009'♥


currently , im on th phone with my friend .
yeah , its really saddening upon listening to what she have shared to me .
things really got out hand ya .
but th best solution is to meet up and talk things out .
to reveal someone's weakness is never good .
moreover , someone whom you regard as your bestfriend before .
so why bother ?
if you wanna spit out people's weaknesses , why dont you spit out yours too ?
come on , the world is revolving .
if you said about someone , they will start talking about you sooner .
so dont , always be nice but never be a hypocrite .
so please , whatever dispute that you have , clear it out nicely .
and even if you want to talk about it in your blog , never reveal names .
because you are just revealing your weaknesses .
what th point ?

so what i used to have big tiff with her ?
but that doesnt mean that i hate her . whats th point of hating ?
and i will always be there as a friend , fo everyone .
grow up lahh .
okay ? goooo .

Thought of You @7:33 PM



Tuesday, April 28, 2009'♥

ouhokay , who ever that claimed to be MIRAHMEY .
well , i will never know if you are who im referring to but please be sure , i aint have anything to go against you . if i cant have any say in this blog , i would have shut it off . define blog fo me ; well , i think that blog is where you pour out every single shit of your emotion . so if im never in th mood and yet i pretend to be such a pretender , i think i am th one who should fly a kite . but look , this is my space and i have th right to say anything that i wish to . and its good that you have waken up to your senses that im not stating any names here ; so its good that you are not making any assumptions .
and hell no , i am never referring this to your sister . ouh whoever lah okayy .
but i guess you missed out some of th words while reading it . didnt i mention mid 19th century ? and if this is not mirahmey , then who ? she have removed her blog . and , she is not of th same age as me . and i didnt even ask you to buy assessment books or dictionary . why does it pissed you off so much ? do you actually feel a pinch on your skin ?
and did i mention that my parents didnt care fo me ? what makes you think im referring this to my mother ? ouh gosh that is so shallow of you .
there is no vivid evidence of having mirahmey reading my blog .
and th best part is , you know that i did tutoring .
list me th specific subject that im teaching .
do i say that i teach english ?

you may think that you are not spamming , but i think you are . and i dislike it .
thanks fo th comments though , i appreciate that .
too bad that i know who is visiting my blog .
so yeah , get going and stop tagging .
i think you should keep whatever that you have read here to yourself .
thank you fo your cooperation . very muc appreciated .
take care and have a good day yea darlinf :D



Thought of You @11:26 AM



Monday, April 27, 2009'♥

to those whom it may concern .
should you come online , i hope you get this message .
i really did not know how am i supposed to reach out to you now .
and i hope you would call me when you have read this .
its 10 + ady and im still not home yet .
reason wise ; i need to meet up with you badly .
and its like so obvious i need you lah kann .
i just couldnt get through .
tell me what should i do now ?
please get back to me as soon as possible .
thank you very much .

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Thought of You @10:08 PM



'♥


monday blues .
lesson is average , just too many theory to absorb in such a humid day .
im never hungry in school , a bread a day will do .
ive been craving fo yong tau fu in school since holidays but i cant see myself eating it now .
prolly , due to depression and unnecessary thoughts that come by naturally .
ouh , whatever .

this may just be a random one ; but this is fo who that it may concern alright .
to those who felt a pinch on their skin , im sorry because you can never make suc primary assumptions when your name is not literally stated in here .

well , i dont feel like going out with you because i dont think i should go to suc places in th first place . when i come to think about it again , you have been th essential resource that makes my life be like an aftermath now . so whats more now ? well , maybe its due to th fact that you did not get suc priviledges like i do now , dont you ? that makes you went uncivilized enough without thinking of how others would feel . when no one is against it , you would be th only one who is going against me . so whats th objective of it ? too bad that you are born in th mid 19th century , where dad is so strict in letting you out . but now , lets look on th 20th century . are you expecting me to be like you when you are severely tortured , unable to finish your education because you need to help mom with selling pastries ? you are just so illiterate that makes you not understand about th world today . go get a dictionary or a digital one with you wherever you go . and please write sentences down before you speak , please get all your gramma , vocabulary and structure right okay . should you need any help , im willing to purchase an assessment book fo you . or maybe you can use your child's book . everything have to start from th scratch .
this issue has been recurring over and over again , and i swear im really shagged dwelling about suc pointless issue .
i think you should go fly a kite and try to reach th sky . maybe you will know how hard life could be like in this world .
read it carefully bitches ((:

being so envious with someone ? i think you should go on and start learning character development first and build up on your own confidence . now thats when you know where you stand in this unconventional world .



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Thought of You @11:18 AM



Sunday, April 26, 2009'♥


as ive promised , im back fo another update .
you see , when im at home , i can blog twice to thrice a day . can you just imagine how suck my life is at home ? mother is away to sister's house , AGAIN . and i have to sleep alone , AGAIN .
anws , i slept fo only two hours and i only woke up when i received a missed call from him .
i have been trying realll hard to sleep okay , its not that i dont wish to sleep .
and hell yeah , im all fresh now and i feel like running around jurong fo ten rounds . ok bye .

ouh ya ,we keep on planning and everything seems not to be a good idea .
dbf insisted on going out at first . khai would go with th flow . and in th end , i am th one who planned fo everything . so i came out with th idea of going sheesha at singgah slalu . dbf is up on it . but affan was reluctant at first and i really try to convince him . so yeah , we went to JB fo sheesha and supper together .

not much words to say , so let th pictures do th talking yeah .
so here are th usual usual people . zuhir didnt have any passport so he couldnt tag us . urgh !


meow meow and cos .

ila and mamat .


and th funny guy .


upon ordering food , we ordered sheesha too . we had mixed fruits right dbf ?


ouh yes , feeling2 time lah kannn .




BFFFL . hahahaha . anw , th place was so crowded and most tables are full . ouh ya , it was a little bit chaotic when we arrived at that place .
MAN U VS TOTTENHAM . when was th last time i watched soccer ?
we were like so esctatic when man u won to tottenham 5 - 2. baik kann .
ronaldo scored two , rooney scored two and berbatov scored one .
and ronaldo is like so hot when he is top naked . *melts*

when all are fulled , we headed back home fo singapore .
and off we went to admiralty park to chill .
khai is busy sleeping and th both of us were busy camwhoring whilst mamat was too stressed up with ants . he stamped him feet non-stop .

th best pictures . dbf , i wanted to publish th pictures you snap at th park rememba ? you feeling2 model ? but im afraid to do so . hahahaha


and im like th guinea pig where dbf would make use of me and find his way to get th best pictures .



we keep on trying and we gave up at last . LOL !
off to boon lay nasi lemak now . if im late , dbf will , you know what i mean .
see you people in school tomorrow yeah .
i miss th whole lot of my cliques . they are all busy with their things . and here i am pretending to be busy , when im not actually . HAHAHA !
i know its time to get serious . im meeting dateline perhaps .
lab report , experiments , log book , tutoring . wahlao , so tired sia .
okay bye .


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Thought of You @9:17 PM



'♥


ouh hello earthlings , again .
weekend is coming to an end . im sure to miss it again .
and yeap , back to my old routine starting from tomorrow .
expand my butt in school , facing my 2 yrs laptop and start jotting down notes .
talk when it is only necessary , turn insane when it comes to break .
ouh yes , i cant believe this but i have not been sleeping since yesterday .
went out yesterday's night and i thought i could sleep th moment ive reached home .
BUT I DIDNT .
tossing and turning in bed when th sun is high up on me .
i really dont know what to do ; wanted to finish writing in my logbook .
get down to lil business and work .
but there is never motivation .

i guess my dearest [dbf] is sound asleep . he said hes gonna bring me out fo lunch .
well then , i guess hes tired . so yea , ill give it a miss .
i will always try my best to understand you , no worries about that .

[dbf], i hope those complications that we had fo each other has already ended .
i never want you to think otherwise about me because i am never what you thought i am or i could be . i will never go around doing any like you have said so , because i love you like i always do . neither do i want to betray th trust that you had in me . you have got to believe whatever i have said , because i never want to lie to you anymore . im trying everything that i could to get you have th trust in me . and i hope you would understand why do i have to do all these and to such extent , ive had enough .
ill say things that i really mean it and i never want to play around with it .
when i say i need it , i will forever need it .
when i say i want it , i will forever want it .
actions speak louder than words ; and here i am trying to prove you how muc i need you via th actions . i never want to say it when im not doing it at all .
i wanna make it right this time ; so i hope you can see a better picture of it now .

PMS is coming , and i can feel it .
because now , i feel like screaming at anyone's ear till it bleeds .
dammmit . what th hell is wrong with me ?
maybe because ive not sleep yet . but im just not sleepy .
okay i guess i better stop blabbering because i feel totally enraged now .
update soon yeah .

ill post out on where i went out last night soon , perhaps . LOL !
communicate soon yeah . and i guess my tagboard is dying . :S
ehh people , taggg lahhh !

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Thought of You @2:46 PM



Saturday, April 25, 2009'♥


hello earthlings .
believe it or not , im at home on saturday !
hell yeah , i was only back home at 7 in th morning just now .
things have gone out of hand yesterday when [dbf] is not in th mood .
so i have to text all th cliques and said that im not coming .
they asked me to psycho [dbf] . and i did .
at last , he was alright , and off we went to JB in th early midnight .
after which , we ride down to Esso Bt Timah and meet th rest .
altogether , 5 bikes .
yeap yeap , on our way to henderson waves ; something unexpected happened .
shall not elaborate on it cause im not good at describing an event . so ill skip it .
and sad enough , BFF jaja and dzuhir is unable to tag along .
ouh , and we are all disappointed .
they hail a cab back home whilst we move on with our journey .

when we reached there , its almost 4am in th morning .
as usual we camwhore . we chilled around and spend our time together with th loved ones .
it was a wonderful night i must say .
we went off home at 6 in th morning .
and [dbf] accompanied me at th void deck till 7am in th morning .

tot everything was cancelled , but we did meet up again .
i love you guys and not forgetting [dbf] too .

meow meow . LOL !


mamat and mia


mamat and ilah

im really sorry cause theres no picture of khai in here .
because he was sound asleep there .
kesian abang firefighter kite nie .
hahaha . update soon people :D

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Thought of You @8:33 PM



Friday, April 24, 2009'♥


ouh weelllls. too busy fo an update .
ill update soon when im really free .
gotta pack my bag and go home .

so yeah loyal readers , stalker , or just watever you define yourself ;
HAPPY WEEKENDS !
VISIT MY BLOG ALWAYS YEAH .

Thought of You @4:07 PM



Thursday, April 23, 2009'♥


having break . done with my slides , waiting fo 1415 , i cant wait to present .
ouh gosh , did i just mention that ?
i cant wait to present ?
yesterday , i talked to [dbf] hoping that i wont get dawn fo any of my module's facilitator .
but then , bad luck i guess .
she is teaching me in Material Process's module .
but its alright ; well th only problem is , she is quite draggy when delivering speech to th class .
so i have to bear with it .
she suck in 15 minutes of my break just now ; well i hope it wont happen again .
she is quite a good faci , she really makes me understand and get th whole idea of th problem .

during lesson , i chatted with yana darling .
she said that my DP in msn looks like a pornstar . WTH !
hahahaha , i couldnt stop laughing even when im typing this down .
ouh gosh , how could that be ?
well , that drives me to a conclusion that she did watch porn before . LOL !
i met up with her during my second break , and we bought waffles together .
sadly , her lesson starts at 1345 , and she couldnt accompany me fo smoke .
this sucks a lot cause i couldnt spend much time with her .
no hot hot news from each other . and i miss gossiping .
well , theres always a next time right .



yesterday , i met up with him later at night .
he fetched me at my void deck and i suapkan him food . he is hungry .
ouhokay , wash my hands and then off we went to jb .
off to his corridor , he helped me with my fringe . and it looks better now .
suddenly , th wind blow so strongly . i could hear door slaming . pots crashing .
and he sent me off home . i slept reall late due to insomnia , AGAIN .

and so , before i went to school , i went to meet up with him fo awhile .
he is so cute cute cute lahh .
he nagged at me cause of my tube dress .
and he demanded me to buy a pin so that i can hide my bra strap with th help of my half cardigan .
then i rushed off to th bustop , change topic . okay , naughty me ((:
and then , we talked on th phone . he accompanied me till ive reached class safely .
thanks fo that baby . i appreciate it a lot .
he is sleeping now , i guess .
(you must be really tired ; grab a good rest okay darling ? ) ((:
and i miss him a lot now .
i dont think im able to meet him today .
perhaps , fo a little while at night , or maybe in th wee hours .
only if he gets up on time .

ill try to get on to th habit of bringing my digicam wherever i go .
i want more pictures .
just random ones .
one more lesson to go and taddaaa , weekend is here baby .
but still , i dont know where shall i spend my weekend .

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Thought of You @1:01 PM



Wednesday, April 22, 2009'♥



i wanted to upload loads of pictures and have more of it instead of my words .
but whenever im halfway through browsing th best pictures ,
my momentum dies off just like that , and i decide to upload only one .
sheeessshhhhh

anw , i slept at close to 6am in th morning .
had a chit chat on th phone with love [dbf] .
and on random , i just love to bathe at 1 or 2 am in th morn .
im afraid actually , but [dbf] will help me out in that actually .
switch loud speaker , then he will talk to me while i was bathing .
i just love these days and i hope it will remain like this forever .
an apology from me to [dbf] because it was meant to be a trick .
i never know that you would get so mad about it . im really sorry .
but trust me , i did nothing at all , i swear .

and we had so much fo our future plans .
i wish i could be but God will decide everything that is best fo you and me .

and yeap , he is still not awake yet at this hour .
and i miss him like a lot now .
i wish hes here with me now .
wednesdays are boring . :S
damn .

thanks fo making my day .
i wanna be an anti-problem girl .
i wish i could be like that one day .
to see me laugh , to see me smile one day ,
it will be on th day when i have him back in my life .
insya'allah .
ill just do what i could to safe it .

[dbf] , wake up now and call me now cannn ?




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Thought of You @4:58 PM



Tuesday, April 21, 2009'♥


ouh hello earthlings .
having my break now till 1130 .
module fo today is lab management .
and weabout floor plans labs labs and more labs .
ways to improve on th laboratories yada yada yadaaaa
will be going to W51F later to check out on th lab .
wth ? when i have always been there fo my FYP .
th lab is like a pig sty lahh .
im gonna have maple syrup waffle later , i guess .

im really happy right now .
i love th convo i had with him yesterday ((:
we talked and met for awhile . went off to sleep at 4am.
& you are th sweetest things that has ever happen to me .
and guess what ? i woke up 810 in th morning just now .
i was not that late but in a rush .
i didnt have th time to put on foundation etc etc .
so i grabbed it , and stuffed it in th bag , and do it in th bus .
everyone is looking at me , but who cares right ?
my face or your face ? LOL !


i agree with him that this is one of th best pictures so far lahh .
i shall pass you th seesha pictures soon alright .
and hell boy , i miss you a lot right now .
im really looking forward to meet you later fo dinner i guess .

A _ _ _ _
A _ _ _ _
ouh yeah , when we talked with th help of th words above , i laughed at first .
but then it got so reall lahhh .
seems like im falling in love .
hmmm .
ouh yeah , today marks our supposed to be 47th .
so yeah , happy 47th baby ((:

ouh yes , niza's birthday is coming . come on babes , where will it be this time round ?


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Thought of You @11:13 AM



Monday, April 20, 2009'♥


no words could describe how much i love you sweetheart ((:

well , slef -proclaimed ; im insane just now .
things got a little haywire fo me at th very start of th day .
but , alhamdulillah things got pretty okayyy now .
bought fo him a meal and we ate together at th voideck .
he suap me chicken and rice . awwe , sweet ehh .
im like so deprived lah kann .
he finished up th cheese fries .
yeah , sat a little while and he sent me bac home .
yeah , we played th same old game .

car games .
here is how th game is being played .
he picked subaru and honda stream .
and i picked mazda 3 and toyota wish .
so when we see th car , we have to start accumulate it up to 100 .
th person who reaches 100 first , th other party will have to kiss th winner 100 times .
well , thats how it was played last time .
but this time , we have other deal .
so yeahhhh .
sat by th stairs near th canal and looked at th expressway and start counting when we see it .
and th ratio of mine to him is 19 : 15 .
so which means im leading . bluek ! heh !
i love youuu alottt lahhh babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy



Thought of You @9:38 PM



'♥



Apalah dosa
Khilaf bicara cetus bara sengketa
Seribu nista pasti cemari noda
Retak kaseh pun bermula

Rasa cinta berubah hilang kasih setia
Dilambung ombak yang menggila
Maraklah api di hati menjadi benci
Dendam yang membara

Apakah ini satu jalan penyelesaian
Atau suatu keputusan
Haruskah perpisahan jadi penentu
Jangan engkau terburu


Apa kau rela
Robohkan istana syurga yang kita bena
Apa kau rela
Menghadapi derita perpisahan ini
Namun hakikat
Yang terjadi hanyalah kekhilafan
Sikap yang keterlaluan
Hilang pertimbangan

and i really need you now .
please , where are you ?
my mind is never in peace .
please please please .
please call me soon , im always waiting fo you .
please dont destroy any further .
i need you now , like terribly .



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Thought of You @3:29 PM



'♥


hello again .
i did not sleep fo th whole night yesterday .
not because i look forward to school . but INSOMNIA .
and off i went to school with puffy eyes .
[dbf] , im really sorry about yesterday ; alot .
i didnt mean to make it tense , im just plain crazy .
ouh gosh , please stop all those misunderstandings .
because i never wanted this but affection from you .
[i never sound so jiwang like this before seh]

ill summarise about yesterday .
i went to meet [dbf] . we went to popular at J.E
to grab notebooks and pens fo school .
very fickle , and [dbf] asked me to purchase th cheaper one . save monay .
he picked th colour fo my notebooks .
[like he will always ((: ]
then went off to his void deck , we talked , we joked , we laughed , etc etc .
i never felt so happy like this before .
after which , followed his parents to Abg Boy's house .
meet Putri . hahaha , idk her name , but they call th baby girl that .
after which , JB fo supper .
had mee bakso ; damn delicious youuu .
next time right , we shall go eat there okay [dbf] ?
petrol kiosk and back to singapore .
he sent me home straight .
and we talked on th phone .
and we had a little misunderstanding .
which turned into a chaos .
and i teared like shit .
because i know we have to put an end to all th dispute .
we have to start everything new .
only if you want to .



and i miss him like a lot now .
hes my COMFORT ZONE .
i guess hes away fo a sleep .
ouh gosh , im plain obsessed with him .
idk why . if there could be specific reasons to it ;
i would say it .
i wanna settle down .
im not talking about marriage , i need you , thats it .
please call me soon .
i miss you like so badly now baby .
ouh gosh , i never felt this way fo anyone before .
and it is only you that i need .
i need your hug
i need your kisses
i need you to bring back th joy in my life .
just you .

if this isnt love , tell me what it is
cause i caould be dreaming and just plain crazy .
and i never felt like this baby


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Thought of You @11:30 AM



Sunday, April 19, 2009'♥



hello earthlings .
had tutoring session in th late afternoon yesterday .
fo 4.5 hours .which is so tiring . and they will be sitting fo their mid year papers soon . and im really worried about them .
i gave them a lot of assignments , okay im bad . but too baddd uhhh .
okay done .
so did a little of marking , and working out on problem sums .
did a little of school work , and waited till 7 pm .
washed up and everything .
and off i went to meet [dbf] at his voiddeck with mamat .
mommy was a lil paranoid because she thought i went out with some other guys . LOL !
[sorry i hand up th phone on you darling in th morning . mood swings i guess , but i didnt mean to keep you waiting . and im really sorry about it ]
fetched ilah at jurong east . and off we went to Karaoke at Grandlink .
[and its a freaking last warning to th front desk chinese woman ehh. you just dont have to be rude talking to your customers . screw her , she talked as if im just so illiterate , unable to understand every single thing . and when i need another explanation , due to her broken english , she raised her voice as if im so stupid . wahlao . ]


we got ourselves room 21 . ouh god knows why perhaps .
yeah , that has been th best no. fo [dbf] and myself .
we love th no. so much , even till these days .
ouhokay moving on .

so here are th usual people .

me and [dbf] ((:
we sang a lot of songs like after so long .
but my favourite was jangan menangis sayang .
sang together with him , awwweeeee .
okay enoughh ehhh .


th funny funny people .
we had tons of fun together with them . sang a lot of songs , till we get really tired of it .
i had sucha splendid time with them .
ouh gosh , i love them so muchh lahh .
thanks a lot fo making my day people .

after an hour or so , khai came . and instead of singing 3 hours , we sang fo 4 hours lah .
we extend another hour .
by th time , we were so tired especially me .
thats why i keep quiet lah [dbf] .

supper at al-ameen at woodlands . yeah about to rain ;
we rushed fo home and while on our way , it was drizzling .
[dbf] sent me at my staircase . took off my cardigan and wipe his hands .
must havee been very cold right ((:
talked on th phone with him till 630 am in th morning .
and it feels like im on cloud nine . okay stop it eh .
anw , thanks a lot [dbf] i like so paiseh lah kannn .

ouh shit ! BESOK SEKOLAH SIA .
and im really not ready even a bit . dammit !

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Thought of You @4:14 PM



Friday, April 17, 2009'♥



so how was my night yesterday ?
i met him at 2030 hrs and accompanied him to wash his bike near our estates .
everything goes on perfectly smooth like a silk .
i helped him wax his bike , i had a great time helping him after so long of not doing it .
i couldnt even recall th last time i waxed his bike .
we had our late dinner together .
i had kueh teow soup whereas he had chicken cube with rice .
sat at our favourite place and eat .
places where we sat and talked again after so long .
flashback flashback .
then he checked my phone , and he remain silent .
i dont know if i do something wrong .
but then , he was different in msgs and even today .
where have i gone wrong ?
i need some words from you ; please dont hush .

and im not feeling good these days .
i dont know if th pills could have been th cause to my drowsiness .
i couldnt sit/squat or lie down fo too long ; because th next thing when i try to walk .
th pain will strike my head that i can just shut off in a snap .
but i really try very hard to fight th pain .
and it doesnt only happened once a day .
but at least 10 times a day . i wonder what th hell is wrong now .
and i feel like vommiting while eating .
symptoms of depression ?
i can feel that im losing weight now .
i cant remain this way , id rather let God take my life away .

why do i have to face suc consequences ?
why does this happen to me ?
why is life so unfair ?
where have i gone wrong till i have to face all these ?

i slept late every night .
i guess im not looking forward to school .
and i dont think i will be coming if this is still going on th same .
fuck it , i wanna kill myself .

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Thought of You @2:12 PM



Thursday, April 16, 2009'♥

and yes , this will be my third post of th day .
well , you see , rotting at home is not helping me at all .
because i really dont know what to do at home .
trying to keep myself busy but i cant do it now .
and yes , i miss him badly enough .
i wonder what is he doing now .

i know somehow , one day you will read my blog .
im sorry to be such an emo right now but i just couldnt help it .
i need to pour this out , and let you know everything .
whatever that has already happened between us , especially th downfall ;
i have forgotten everything about it .
i miss th old you , very much .
i wish you could be like before .
when i read th earliest entry about you and me in august , i teared badly .
because you were th most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me .
and i never wanna let it fade away or stop just like that .
i want to count my days with you , count on th hours we have spent fo each other .
i cant bear to lose you , thats it .
because you are my first love , and i have gone through a lot with you .
we faced all th obstacles together , we fought terribly .
but then , it got us closer .
maybe God wana test how strong can our love be .
is th love dead and gone ? well , i dont think so .
i dont mind taking it slow at all , but all i ever needed is your motivation darling .
thats it , i need you , i really do , i swear i do .
let bygones be bygones .
please , lets make it up together .
lets not let th past haunt us down .
whats done is done , both were hurt at th same time .
you had your flaws i had mine .
lets make up fo everything , especially healing both our heart .
im sure you can do it . please dont give up and have faith in yourself .
everything that we have been dwelling about , watever that came out from my mouth is true enough .
its really saddening when you uttered such words when you are mad .
you kept me thinking whether you really mean it or not at all .
im always here waiting fo your call , i misss you , ya allah .
please , trust me , i wanna change . and i want you to change too .
please dont end it this way . it was so wonderful th last two days .
why does it drastically change within a few hours ?
i thought we both have promises fo each other .
and im still holding on to it .
so please hamirul , call me .
because i miss you alot .
really .
and i love you
i swear i love you .
and i never love anyone like i love you before .
sumpah . sungguh , aku tak tipu .

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Thought of You @7:31 PM



'♥

hamirul hasraff , im really sorry fo all th shits that ive caused .
fo hurting you all these while .
but please be clear that it was never my intention of hurting you .
if these are th obstacles that i have to go through with you ,
i will do it fo us .
but never , give up on it because i just dont like it .
i never want to reveal my weaknesses here but you make me sound like an emo here .
how am i suppose to smile when im bleeding inside ?
you know it yourself right ?
where have all th promises gone to ? it will never be down th drain .
was it so hard fo you to forgive and forget about th past ?
you and i were tired of dwelling it , then why do you have to mention about it again and again ?
i wanna stop all th past . it hurts you and me badly .
we can do this right [DBF] .
just please fo once . dont make me turn into a paranoia .
please answer my call . i know you were mad at me now .
we can settle this out nicely .
its a no biggie quarreling about it when its never worth it .

i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]i miss you [dbf]

please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .
please answer my call .

Thought of You @4:36 PM



'♥


i hope this hug will remain like it is , forever ((:

updates yahh .
yesterday went to JB with [DBF] .
then , after grabbing mincemeat , cheese i went back to his home and chilled out since it was a humid day . yeap yeap , cooked fo him spaghettiiiii .
since he is craving fo it like a pregnant lady . LOL !
hang around fo awhile with his family .
ouh boy , i miss th times i spent fo his family .
flashback flasback .
i got a cut on my pinky finger due to th sharp tin can .
he wiped off th blood and seal th wound with a plaster .
so sweeetttt . *melts* ok bye .
sat somewhere and had a lil dispute .
pretty upset about it , well , i never wanna brood about it any longer .
he sent me off to my carpark , and had a ciggarette or two before bidding goodbye .
we apologised and made promises though i know either one will break it one day .
but i hope that the promises that we have made , will last forever .
jangan semangat due minit ehhh .

ouh school will be starting in 4 days time .
dammit , i just need a longer holidays now .
because there are so many things that i have not done yet especially my logbook .
i have already attended 18 meetings but i wrote 5 meetings in my logbook .
there are just so many things to write in there .
im sure when school reopens , i wont be going fo any smoke break and lunch break .
but remain in class and start vommiting words in my logbook .


school will start at 10 fo all year 3 students .
so this is what i will be studying fo th 1st semester .
no lesson to attend on wednesday . like duh .
different class fo th 4 modules .
so that means more complications .
RP and their BRILLIANT ideas .
so what if i have more friends , but they are just going to be my acquaintance one day .




and i have yet to collect another 13 more DA and NDA points .
ouh , i think i can do it . after which , im done with this Creative Engagement Module .



Thought of You @3:01 PM



Wednesday, April 15, 2009'♥



back fo an update earthlings .

life ? have been going on perfectly fine .
except th fact that im getting myself less committed to FYP and tutoring .
i gonna get it back on track .
yeap , my final year in RP .
im gonna do it just right . get good GPA and start working .
enough enough enough of memorising formulaes .
im so sick of gaining knowledge fo th past 13 years lah , dammit !

school's gonna start next week .
I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT .
I NEED MORE HOLIDAYS LAHHH .
okay , well , i had 3 months of break ; and what did i gain ?
two students , more hurdles in life .
but , praises to God , everything is fine now .
well , i hope it will remain like this forever .
please , dont do it anymore okay [DBF] ?
you know i'll always love you .

i want you , thats not enough .
i need you , thats not enough .
i yearn fo you , thats never enough .
we had settled it out , and i hope there will be no more of this and that .
you know how paranoid i go right fo th past two weeks ?
living my life without you is effing hard , i tell ya .
but i have to be strong and put it alot of effort to make it through .
and yes , with sheer determination , i managed to settle this biggest dispute fo th first time .
theres too many things to say but i just dont feel like it .
ouhhh boyyyy .


alhamdulillah , haifa is getting better . that makes me smile widely .
yeap yeap , she had a lil mood swings but she's okay now .
hoping fo th virus in her brain to go away .
please god , she is too little ( 4 months old ) to face all these .
she is just so innocent .
when she went in to the operation theatre , she cried , and she did try to speak to her mommy .
i felt so touched by it .
mother-daughter bonding .
i gotta pay her a visit soon .

hamirul , i misss youuuuu likeee crazzyyyy .
thanks fo your 12 hours yesterday .
we do have fun , dont we ?

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Thought of You @11:35 AM



Tuesday, April 14, 2009'♥

i just couldnt get th picture of it . sometimes i was enraged , disappointed , forlorn , whats more ? i would say all th feelings that has ever exist in a human being .
im just left with no more words to speak , but to keep on crying .
those tears ive never stop shedding , is to release all those heartache in my heart .
i really wish i could turn bac th time , and not go through all these .
as much as other human beings deserves to live a happy life , you and i deserve it too .
i miss you like a lot . urgh , i was just hoping things would be like before .
thanks fo th midnight meet ups ; i really appreciate that . you are just so great these few days .
[DBF] i dont knows whats there to say to you . sometimes talking to you wont help in any way .
but i just want you to know this , no matter how bad th tiff could bring us through , im still here to pull it through . dont you worry , i will always love you .
remember , when God put you to this , He will pull you through it .
its a matter how you handle it and solve it . so be wise enough , and never make a decision that you might regret later onn okayyyy

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Thought of You @12:14 PM



Sunday, April 12, 2009'♥


eve of weekend was splendid .
well , what more could i asked fo .
anws , bad news comes first alright .
my niece , nur haifa dania is in ICU . suffering from fits .
damn shes only 4 months old . i really pity her .
when i came down to take a look at her , she had all th tubes in her nose and mouth .
plus , her hands and legs are all tied up . ouh gosh , like macam org pesakit gile sia .
i cried when i looked at her .

mamat called me and asked me out .
it was a miracle on that day , when i wasnt expecting anything from anyone .
so yeah , we went out , th five of us .
so we headed off to sheesha . ouh gosh , i forgot th outlet's name .

(illahhh , kao tkde dlm gmbr . sorry yea . )
we had fun , snapping , feeling and everything .
especialy [DBF] who would always go like .
him : you , take my picture , cepat2 .
amik gambar tk perlu kanchong okay .
hahahahahaha . ouh wells , i smiled alot like after so long .
flashback flashback flashback . wow !

mamat , khai , amir and me ((:



th sweetest girl and me . ilahhhh

yeap , we had our late dinner cum supper at newton . makan besar kape .
and he finished up th rice that i couldnt starved it in anymore .
okay whatever lah kannn .

then we went off to upper seletar damp is it [DBF] (when was th last time i mention it sia) ? okay , i prefer to call it th lighthouse .
we smoked , we chilled around , mencari ketenangan jiwe .
we went home at 5 am .
and he spent his early morning with me all th way till 7 .
thanks fo th day [DBF] . i appreciate that a lot ((:



neither both of us expect things to end this way .
neither both of us would want things to go this way .
but if this is a challenge from God , i would have to face it with faith .
i know you never want this either .
i understand and get th whole idea of it now .
you are just so confused , as simple as that .
you left me , but its okay .
after all th confessions that ive made , and all th naggings etc .
i hope you would really listen to me fo th last time of what better things you could do in your life .
dont destroy it any further , its unbearable .
its easier when you have a hand to hold on to when you fell , but its hard when you have to pick up yourself after a hard fall .
and i hope you know how muc i really care fo you .
you are living in a world and not fantasy .
and i know , no one will care fo you like i do .
i knew you so well , even th slightest thing about you .
how could you leave me after what we have been thru .
i know loving me is not easy ; but you could have understand me better when im around .
why are you leaving all those memories behind .
why do you have to leave me .
you knew me so well , and why are you doing this to me .
are you taking my weaknesses as your strength ?
there are just too muc doubts about you .
if you could have cleared it away , id be glad .
but no , you left me in suc a state where i keep on thinking about th same old damn thing .

off now , enough .
and i guess what happened at 4 am in th morning , you made me realised uh .
its aching even till now .
and who is going to clean my wound ?
quesitions left unanswered .



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Thought of You @12:47 PM



Friday, April 10, 2009'♥

fuck it

Thought of You @3:51 PM



Thursday, April 09, 2009'♥


well , i guess this is th last picture taken together .

yes , im like down to earth's core right now .
pardon me fo i abandoned my blog lately .
good will is not on my side so yeah , that makes me not have any update .
life is really terrible fo me .
after one goes , here comes another part of it .
and i tell you , it is really unbearable .
mom has been bugging me about him .
my mom wanna meet him , but i know its not th time yet .
fo things got a little bit haywire between us .
i never wanna destroy you any further amir .
i had enough of playing all these endless game .
no one will win .
how am i going to move on when my mother really loves you ?
willing to accept you fo second time ?
my mom never behave this way before , and its even weird fo me .
if you think it is hard fo you , what do you think about my situation now ?
it came back to me in two fold .
how am i suppose to settle all these misunderstandings fo once ?
we need to talk , we really need to do it once and fo all .
i dont want it to be in a rush at all , i dont even want that to happen .
because i know rushing things will not bring any good .
i know i should take it slow , im sorry fo i go paranoid these few days .
but then i never wanna lose youu .
ouh gosh , what th hell is wrong with everything .

and this effing period of mine only lasted fo 3 days .
double pressure .
i know i have a low blood pressure , but it normally comes 5 days at most .
and NOW , it was totally clean by th third day .
i feel like i need to go to th doctor .
and check my entire body .
my cycle especially .
and now like what ?
im doing this alone lah nbcb .

HOW TH HELL AM I GOING TO SETTLE ALL THESE FO ONCE !
I CANT DO THIS ALONE
AND I NEED IS TO TALK TO YOU HAMIRUL HASRAFF .
I DONT KNOW HOW TH HELL AM I GOING TO REACH OUT TO YOU .
YOU WOULD IGNORE MY CALLS AND TEXTS WHEN YOU ARE OUTSIDE .
i know you need some time alone , but how th hell about me ?
WHEN IM HERE AT HOME , THINKING ABOUT YOU .
AS FAR AS IM ALIVE , I NEVER WANNA THROW SUCH ASSUMPTIONS ON YOU .
I KNOW AND I TRUST YOUR WORDS .
AMIR , I NEED YOU TO AT LEAST CALL ME NOW LAHH CANNN .
IM IN DEEP SHIT AND YOU KNOW THIS IS BETWEEN US .
YOU ALWAYS SAID THAT THINGS ARE SAID AND DONE .
BUT NO , IT GREW FATTER .
WHERE ARE YOUUUU ?
I NEED YOU NOWWWWW .
PLEASEEE CALLL ME ASAPPPPPP .
WE NEED TO CLEAR THESE THINGS .

i need some assurance from you .
running away is never good sayang , pleaseeeeeeee .
im down on my knees now , begging you to understand me .
how it feels like to be a girl . to know th whole truth . come on amir .
mercy mercy mercy .

and mommy , im really trying to make it work .
yes i know , and i never want to disappoint you anymore .
i need some help here .
things got out of hand man .




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Thought of You @5:57 PM



Tuesday, April 07, 2009'♥

mommmy , i never expected you to cry because of this .
im really sorry but im really trying what i could mommy .
it was shocked and unbelievable .
i never thought you could shed your tears fo us .
woah woahh woahhh .
th more you shed in front of me , the more you are making me feel weak .
ouh gosh , im soooo forlorn with whats happening .
if only you were in my shoes , you would know exactly how it feels like to be in such a situation .
it may be a crap , but this is th fact and reality .
you must know that im never lying to you and it is true .

ivee been yearning , and yearning and still yearning fo now .
all i could ask fo is a better tomorrow .
amin .

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Thought of You @2:47 PM



Monday, April 06, 2009'♥

and i always pray and hope fo a better tomorrow .
and to those people who were there fo me during th weekends .
thanks a lot , im really trying hard to pull it through .
i never wanna get myself stuck in this position like forever .
but i know i can do it , i know i can .
but it takes time .
and its slowly fading .
well , define life now .
fcuk .

cause im lonely and im tired , im missing you again .
ouhh noooooooo

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Thought of You @12:39 PM



Wednesday, April 01, 2009'♥






































and i miss you a lot right now .
i know theres no way of having you again .
i know we can do it again , but you are not giving me th chance to
im all terribled now .
ouh no , please dont do this to me .
if this is faith , why do i have to feel this way ?
why do i still yearn fo you after what we've been through .
cause i know theres still a room fo us .
sigh , i misss youuuuuuu ....
if its wrong to love you , then my heart just wont let make it right
cause im drowing here and i wont pull through
without you by my side .
ill wait , ill wait fo a call from you .
i know im not strong like you think i was .
please , i need those mercy on me .

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Thought of You @10:48 AM







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NURUL SHAHEDA
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