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Friday, November 30, 2007'♥

and yeah , like AGAIN , ive decided to change my blogskin again .
reason : the previous blogskin is like so messy and retarded .
so , i have decided to change it to the simpler one .
and i fyl like using the blogskin that i first used with my dear yana .
but i guess , this will be AGAIN , my temporary blogskin .
i cant seem to find the perfect one and none attract my attention .
i have the habit of changing it again and again .
i am paranoid !

and i am sorry to this blog cause i didnt have the motivations to blog .
moreover , i have two blogs to handle .
so you see , everyday two posting .
and i dont wish to be a betrayal .
i love this blog so much as they bring me the memories ive had with him .

should i close this blog and continue writing in the new blog or just let it be ?
any suggestions ?

seriously , my intention of spitting in this blog is because i am bored but frankly ,
i have nothing inside my head right now .
and i only have the motivation when i blog-hopped just now .
things has been quite hectic this few days .
and baby is sick , and im so worried .
drink more plain water okei dear ?

and yana ! who ask you to eat crunchie ?
see , you missed one lesson yesterdae?
anw , get well soon ok sick people ?
haha , ok , im rude . ok bye .

anw , weekends , no town .
have job to do this weekend .
kak rica's wedding ?

nk ptg timun ngn carrot ? eda tolong ehk ?
daging tk nk ! sbb busok oi !
tkmo bwg , balik mate bengkak :D

ok people , enjoi your weekends .
and dont forget to tag okei ?


Thought of You @1:38 PM

Thursday, November 29, 2007'♥

seriously , i just dont understand human beings .
why do we have the bad feelings in life such as jealousy .
even worst , when someone you love so much lied to you all the while .

let mi ask you these people , do you feel better if the LOVE tell you the truth
or you find the truth all by urself?
then , you will be mad as ever and disappointed .
that wad im feeling right now .
but above all , i am so disappointed .
and i wonder why must you lie to me .
exactly ! even when we are just frens ?
why ehk ?

a short metaphor to get things clearer .
" it takes a whole lifetime to build the trust, but a second to destroy it "
ok GO .
god damnit , i am bloody confused in life right now .
can i have drug pills that will make mi overdose and only wake up when my heartache is over ?

a trust that was once strong , has depleted yet depleting .

Thought of You @1:07 PM

Tuesday, November 27, 2007'♥

update ok ?

well , currently , i have two blogs to handle on my own .
unless my dear took over the other blog and not make it decay as time passes by .
help mi okei dear ?
anw , we have created a new blog and do check it out okei ? and dont forget to tag (:
here is the link , http://www.syarace-confessions.blogspot.com/

well, it was our anniversary yesterday and i was tremendously happy !
i always thought that we would end our relationship before our anniversary .
but we managed it somehow & it was unbelievable dat we have spent 5840 hours together !!
well, we are not into celebrating our anniversary yesterday and there are no present for each of us but just a kiss on the forehead to prove how much we mean for each other.
not to say that we are not looking forward to our anniversary but school days hindered us from celebrating it . moreover , we spent our time together for a short period of time . we have decided to virng forward our anniersary on the 26th december . wait up for the post guys ! (:

nothing much yesterday , but just have our dinner in my school .
well , i can say that our school is great because there are varieties of food that we can choose from . so we had western food (:
next we head off to the library to actually finish up our pictures-editting and blogg-editing too !
so at last , job well done to the both of us !

next, munchy donut session for the both of us .
due to financial difficulty , we only managed to purchase ONLY 2 donuts .
but okei !
then off we went straight back home .

to yana ; thanks for the wish . appreciate it a lot . and thanks for helping mi through the thick moments i had with him . and thanks for the advice . i really appreciate it . you are a great friend man .

to my dearest ais ; i appreciate the moments we have spent together . thanks for being there for me through thick and thin . and thanks for the love , tender and care towards me . you make me fall in love with you once again after the recent fight we had . thank you so much .

we hope in times to come , we would face the ups and downs together and not give up .
your promises , prove it cause ill prove it to you that you are the perfect man for me .

"we would keep the 365 days as memories and look whats there for us in the mere future"

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let the pictures do the talking and describe to you how we love yesterday (:

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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Thought of You @4:27 PM

Monday, November 26, 2007'♥

& i was at home almost half of the day .
i was bored at home and thanks to him , he asked mi out .
i was left in anger when i waited for him for almost 2 hours .
and i was frustrated and shouted at home while waiting for him .
mom heard , and ask mi to understand his situation .
sucks , my mom on his side .
so fine !

ok meet him up and he had a wide smile on his face .
and he missed me . yeah !
cause i do too !
we went off to grab our dinner at marina square .
and sit by the bay and had a short conversation .
after which , we go home straight cause tomolo school lar :(

we bid goodbye .
i trip and fell on the way back home .
shit ! stupid lakeshore ! haha
thats for the dae !
and yea , tomolo marks our 1 year anniversary . update soon !

Thought of You @12:38 PM

Sunday, November 25, 2007'♥

nothing much for the weekend .
i am so bored at home , suffocating every seconds of my life .

so first and foremost , to my dearly yana and his boifie ..
hapi 2 years anniversary .
i highly respect you guys , enduring and tolerating each other .
now, 24 months has passed , there are more challenges coming up .
so becareful ok ? dont trip and fall .

well , as for mi , struggling and trying to adapt to a new environment .
well saturdae , we meet up and didn 't talk much .
he looked into my eyes & ask mi a qn dat requires a whole life time to think .
' will you accept me and i'll change ? '
i looked down , trying my best to hold back those tears .
and i just said yes .
he hugged me , thank me alot for saving this relationship .
i don 't find a reason to leave the past when i still can make something new out of it .

since you have promised , please work it out and prove it to me that you change .
please , enough of all those heartaches .
and sorri for being ego too .
ill change everything like it used to be .

so people , thanks for cheering me up all these while .
and ive finally smile .

Thought of You @5:21 PM

Friday, November 23, 2007'♥

its like so over now.
ok the fact is ive broke up with him last week.
and throughout this whole week , we were frens .
he is giving me some hope that we will be back together .
and i would always thought that things would heal along the way and before our
a year anniversary .

till last night , when i asked him a question he did not answer .
mainly about us .
and he did not answer my call.
ok dat appear to be so fine .
but whenever i ask him a qn about us, he would avoid it .
he would not want to talk about us .
can i just draw a conclusion that he is no longer interested in our rship ?
can i people ?
and we fought because of food and my money .
can t you see how ridiculous can that be ?
let me get this hypothesis right ok ?
you eat , i eat . and i dont mind helping you and i dont see any harm if you were to use my money.
who noes along the way , i need your help ?
isnt that give and take ?
about it , i close one eye .
and we were a distant away in the train .
the moment he alighted , he did not EVEN bid me a goodbye .
oh gosh . how forlorn am i .
i cried in the train , and i saw sahirah .
i didnt approach her cause im down . im sorry babe .

and this morning , he is fucking hell pretending like nothing happen ?
and when i ask him over the phone , he hang up .
what more can i do ?
does that prove me enough ?
he dont have the sense of guilty .
and who should mend this broken heart ?
me alone ?
then define me whats boifren for coz till now i cant get it right
i dont give a damn if ppl would say that im stupid cause im leaving u .
they dont know how it feels to be in love and hurt .
with a person like u .

i cant deny the fact that guys are with ego .
but it matters to me on big their egos are .

moreover , i was on the phone with him , asking him .
and he sound bloody ego .
fine !
and the next ting , he msged mi apologising me .
like wtf !
why when i ask u to go then u start blaming urself .
if you were to say it earlier before i move on to this extend , things will be under control.
why cant you think it dat way ?
WHY ??

if things are meant to be this way , then let it be .
so i guess its the straw that break the camel's back right ?
ok , i decide to go because ure hurting mi again and again.
despite it , ill keep the memories together.
and ill broke down to tears cause our 1 yr anniversay is only 3 days awae .
so ill bid gdbye to u and syarace
thanks for ur stae

Thought of You @2:24 PM

Thursday, November 22, 2007'♥

creating an account for a new blog and changing template can be nerve-wrecking .
i would tend to give up when things wont go my wae .
how irritated can it be !
and yes , my blog is going nuts , and i need to change my skin asap .
i need to link people ok .
so please, don ' t prgi can ?
urgh !
why is that you are always challenging my emotions ?
ok , shall no longer talk about it .
terseksa batin aku ini . notty blog !

i need more time for lepak but preparing things for days to come hinder me from having fun .
erm , maybe after that . let me suffer this time , i dont mind .
well, hell gosh , im just 5 days away .
and im not sure whether he would remember .
we are styl friends .
i noe u are avoiding it whenever i ask you the qn , are we friends ?
well, it is okei . (:
respect it so much ok no matter how pain it is .

in the meantime , i am currently reading a book, how to amend your broken heart .
maybe a book that will help .
or help me prepare sooner or later .
and im not sure whether he still loves me , whether he still wants me .
life was left in skeptical .
and i answer i have to search on my own .

people, advice me can ? i need those motivations to prove him that love is a wonderful thing in life, if only i have the chance to do .

thanks , please tag .
and good day people .

to those people im thinking and talk to today , i miss you guys (:

Thought of You @10:54 AM

Tuesday, November 20, 2007'♥

& so people have decided to change my blogskin again.
when i try to link people, something happen to my blog which is totally undescribable.

& yes ! he have decided to create a blog of our own .
so wait up for the new link in my blog .
or maybe ill shut down my blogg and continue blogging in the new blogg of ours .
so , dear meet up fast and start working on it oke .
in the meanwhile , i m trying my best to catch up with the learning of the codes in blog .
simply , i cant wait for it !

so , yesterday was superb .
after school , i mit him up but he was late .
so its okei .
so we bought 2 munchy donuts and an ice banana mango blend .
and i was totalli hungry and asked my dear to accompany me to grab my lunch cum dinner at banquet . i had sambal stingray and 2 plates of rice ; 1 for mi and 1 for him .
then , we sat at civic , continue eating and talk .
a short heart to heart talk .
appreciate it a lot.
snapping pictures in the train before heading back home.

so ais ,
thanks for the day .
short but qulity time spent !
and i appreciate it a lot .
thanks !

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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

byebye people (:

Thought of You @2:14 PM

Monday, November 19, 2007'♥

i am totally sleepy now .
& i am trying so hard not to sleep in class .
+ the class is so bored .
another week of endurance .
wads more ? today , the internet connection in school is down !
i can ' t do anything much !
i can ' t friendster -hopping , i can 't blog -hopping and i can ' t msn - ing .
oh gosh , with the quiet atmosphere , i would rather die i tell you .
stupid stupid stupid for the connection .
better heal it fast before i leave okei ?
get this clear ?
stucked up !
at 1130, there goes the fire alarm and everybody has to evacuate from the building.
so super duper lame !
and it lasted for 15 mins and everybody has to go back to class .
how lame can that be right ?
so, we need to gather at the carpark.
so when everybody leaves, mi and SIQ went to smoke .
thanks for the company SIQ.
and went back to class to do ppt. darn !

anws , weekend turned out to be so sad .
well , i went to ct-halling again with him.
but now , only as friends .
i sob the moment i look at him in the train .
icebox-ed , makes me cry .
he wiped those tears but he ignored me .
well , i did not expect anything more to happen .
found a seat , and we settled down .
we did not talk . things were so different .
so we window - shop here and there .
im so in love with that adidas bag ! mother , can i have a credit card for the weekends? * grins *
& i m running out of clothes .
darn !
walking to marina square , i grab his hands , and im sure he was so shocked .
trying to hold back those tears .
and we walked and sat near the merlion .
we talked , and i cried .
we didn ' t touch on our relationship , but he let me tune in to his favourtie song .
the song which he will sing when we break up and the song which he first sang while walking to 7-eleven with me .
i broke down to tears .
i loose my grips .
so yesterday , we chatted on the phone and we shared our feelings .
he needs time for himself .

to you ; i am not forcing you to come back to me , but if the love is still there , please stay .
it seems that im hunger for your love but matter of fact i love this relationship .
i can 't afford to leave it as memories .
ill prove it to you somehow for this upcoming three days .
and i hope that i get the same in return .
let ' s play fair .

for the people who are so concern , thanks for the motivations , they really make me think .
i regret for the decision . stupid ego ! *hiyakdush *
i will try to uphold everything back again .
so yea , thanks once again .

update soon .

Thought of You @9:53 AM

Friday, November 16, 2007'♥

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I would remember the day when you were there to motivate me to study.
I would remember the day when you accompany me till late at night on the phone while I do my revision.
I would remember the day when we catch movies twice a month.
I would remember the day when you disturb me with your ‘TAIK’ on the phone before hanging up.I
would remember the day when you clip up hair when it all messed up.
I would remember the day when you come down to my house to have our late lunch together.
I would remember the day when you waited for me at the bus stop to go study together.
I would remember the day when you kissed my forehead and bid goodbye.
I would remember the day when I sleep under your arms and you never want to let me go.
I would remember the day when you cried on the phone when you are all disappointed by me and my egoism.
I would remember the day when you forced me to wake up and do house chores.
I would remember the day when you messaged me every morning wishing good morning along with the sweet words though it is kind of mundane reading same words every day.
I would remember the day when we went to the library to study and snapped pictured when we are tired of looking at texts in books.
I would remember the day when you stare in blank spaces when I scold you and not listening to me.
I would remember the day when you looked down to the ground when I gain 4 kilograms.
I would remember the day when you came to my void deck and give me some surprises on my birthday.
I would remember the day when you call me from the void deck just to keep me aware that you have reached.
I would remember the day when you would scold me for smoking.
I would remember the day when you nagged at me on the phone when I seek permission to go clubbing.
I would remember the day when you irritate me and scold you and you were so sad.
I would remember the day when you keep your ego aside when I said that you are having it now.
I would remember the day when you fetch me after school after a terrible fight we had when I am at Kuala Lumpur.
I would remember the day when we share our meal after our 6 months anniversary.
I would remember the day when you walked away when I refused to talk to you.
I would remember the day when you came to me and plead me not to go.
I would remember the day when we went to Esplanade, sitting by the bay with our friends.
I would remember the day when you hugged me in the train.
I would remember the day when you hugged me from the back while catching fireworks.
I would remember the day when you whisper those three words before dozing off to la-la land.
I would remember the day when you asked me to go home and dress appropriately.
I would remember the day when you said I looked like a ‘MINAH’ [no offence].
I would remember the day when you fetched me from work every Saturday.
I would remember the day when you were all envy when I talked about my past times with my ex-boy friends.
I would remember the day when you wanted to prove me that you are a great boyfriend.
I would remember the day when I fetched you from work and catch up the last bus.
I would remember the day when you looked into my eyes and tell me how much I mean to you.
I would remember the day when you picked up a guy’s call and tell him not to disturb me again.
I would remember the day when we spent our time together at SENTOSA, swimming.
I would remember the day when we played all the games at ESCAPE THEME PARK.
I would remember the great dinner with you at you workplace.
I would remember the day when we went to KARAOKE together and sing our lungs out.
I would remember the day when you played with my hair and lull to sleep.
I would remember the day when you would wipe my tears away and hugged, kissed me on the forehead.
I would remember the day when you hugged me on our 4 months anniversary at 12am and never want to let me go.
I would remember the day when you make me reflect our relationship together and how you treasure it.
and lastly.

I would remember the day when you were my boyfriend.

To who it may concern:U take care ok? I am sorry for leaving you when we are 10 days away from our year anniversary. But things were not meant for each other now. So, I believe the best solution for now is to part ways. I still love you but things can’t work out for the both of us now. So I hope that you would forgive me and good luck for your endeavours. If we are still meant for each other, we would be together again somehow. Not today but in times to come. I know I may be stupid for saying this, but just want to wish you happy 1 year anniversary. We are and will celebrate it alone. Don’t you shed your tears but just be strong.

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last pics together

Thought of You @1:44 PM


yesterday, i slept at 2 in the morning .
have been busy talking on the phone and catching up things .

so in the morning, i came late for sch again . like ~duh
waited for someone actualli and i end up gg to sch late !
you owe me a treat okei ? u bueh mi ok !

and yana didn ' t come to sch .
she 's having a bad cough .
drink lots of plain water and rest well ok ?
hope you get well soon !
and yea , thanks for they day yesterday !
can i have more ? haha , demanding ehk .
paid my bills yesterday , and tour around . talk more !
my bills , i ' m down with 20 more bucks .

i may be stupid to reveal all my weaknesses but you should be thankful because you are earning a space in my blogg again .
and i may not care for the situation we are in right now , cause you don 't even care !
it ' s like who cares right ? !
so now , i may regret again for loosing someone who is perfect like you .
but matter of fact , i can ' t endure enimore and you att is killing me .
thank god , i may be emotional yesterday because i just need a shoulder to cry on .
but what did i get in return ? double scolding !
so , enough of it , you aint perfect after searching for the answer for 11 months and 20 days .
and now , i will be suffering from a breakdown but life has to go on .
i will turn my back on you . don 't you dare regret ! cause you don ' t treasure when i ' m still by ur side. you took me for granted .
so hope this break up will teach us a lesson .
i ' m not putting the whole blame on you .
at some parts , i may be wrong for being harsh .
reflect , you make me do it .
so , its like so over now !
i can linger around with anione i like right ?
say what ever you 've got to say cause your words won ' t bring me down animore .
not animore !
so fuck off , i don 't need you so stop wasting your time .
don ' t msg or call mi animore ! please.
and don 't you read , tag at my blog and send mi comments at friendster .
please enuf of all those love and miss you because those are just bullshits .


Thought of You @10:51 AM

Thursday, November 15, 2007'♥

& UT started when i entered the classroom.
and my laptop battery went flat ! so i have to plug in everything !
and hell yes, i took a solid 15 mins to set up everything and do that freaking UT .
ok , questions are ok and can be answered if i were to attend for the class from week 4-7 .
but too bad, all were answered due to my secondary sch knowledge .
so my predicted grade i guess it would be a FAIL .
i dont wish to compare the answers, cause it makes me feel stress about my grade .
so there goes an hour in class .
so now , break time !

lesson is ok , quite easy .
thanks to wilbur who makes my day .
the facilitaor for today, i dont wish draggy facilitator , they make me sleepy la .
moreover today's module is science . so who wish for long-winded faci ?
and yes ! after 7 weeks of not attending this module , i came finally .
cause i don ' t want to retake this suckiest module on earth . (:

so after school , i had no plan .
thought of meeting him , but that depends later on my mood for today .
better not meet when im in no mood , because i ' ll sulk throughout the day .
and we may end up fighting .
so better be safe than sorry .

yesterday , i went off for a nap, once i had my early dinner and after bathe.
wake up at 8 , and i straight away revise for my test tomorrow while waiting for him to call .
so we chatted a little at night , but , im in no mood .
i can ' t seem to figure out why .
maybe just my kepale angin .
so i hope it will heal one day .
i have no prob , and even if i do , it ' s about phamily .
but things went out ok for my phamily .
and i cried when we hang up the phone .
i was so clueless with myself .
i could not figure out the answers to my own doubts .
maybe , im mentally exhausted .

to anione , please don 't spoil my mood today .
cause im a bit sensitive today

& i miss you that matters ( :
so good day everybody . . . . .

Thought of You @9:48 AM

Wednesday, November 14, 2007'♥

wednesday morning rain is pouring.
& here i am reached school at only 930.
i thought of coming in to class at 10 but attendance makes me want to come earlier.
the downpour make mi wanna continue my sleep but too bad.
i drag my feet to the toilet, to lakeside, to woodlands and to school.
and i am really shagged today.
and tomorrow i have my science UT.
the only lesson which i have missed since week 1.
and after a retake module letter has arrived at home, i have decided not to miss anymore of my science module.(:

and im kinda pissed off right now because i have misplaced my USB cable.
and too bad AGAIN, i cant upload my pictures inside my computer.
oh gosh, the donut picture in my handphone is put into waste.
but nonetheless, i will upload it once ive found it.

so yesterday was great!
he fetched me at school and off we went to causeway point to grab abox of 6 muchy donuts.
and we eat and eat!
ok great, and when we finished the whole of it, i am totally full.
we were eating and laughing at each other.
a quality time spent. (:
after which, we went off to jurong to watch my little nephew perform.
he danced so cute.
oh gosh! i had a lot of fun yesterday, laughing my heads off.
and hubby was so irritating and hyper yesterday.
but its okei, i understand him so much.
so ... yeah!
im not able to meet him up today.
hes down with soccer match!
against geylang, i can predict the winner
but effort put in might change everything right?
so all the best to you people !

& most of all, i miss you darl !

Thought of You @12:07 PM

Tuesday, November 13, 2007'♥

& ive reached school at ard 10 am.
grab my breakfast cum lunch before i step into class.
so papers are like so over noW!
its time to close book and more towning and gym . [haiz, like ive promised]
nonetheless, i will work on it dear, dont worry (:

things has been absolutely fine for this new week. so hoping for better days ahead.
and yes, my last weekend was great too!
i went to ct-halling and thanks to hubby for bringing me there.
was an absolute night together.
sit at boat-quay, gosh the talk melt my knees. sweet-NESS.
the next day i was waiting for mom and dying of hunger.
wad saddens mi more, my mother only bought chickens and donuts but no meals!
but still happi, i ate the chickens. hell yes! its yummy. (:

mother has been sick and weak these days.
she vommitted and suffer from diarrhea.
she insisted from going doctor due to no money.
but anywaes, theres still medication at home, i guess that we'll be ok.
i will accept challenges from You but not human who made mother suffer.
and till death i shall never forgive you because you are such as ungrateful.
' the one closest to you will be your greatest enemy'
maybe you shouldnt trust that much even though you have tied a bond with her.
dont elaborate cause it makes my heart pain and increasing those hatreds.
whatever people do, let it be. everybody will leave this world one day.
so we settle 'there' oke?

and yes, things have been great with Boifie.
i love him more.
but the girl, if you ever wanna get close to him, be close with mi too.
cause i love making friends *grin*
ok, i noe im so evil.
and not forgeting !
our one yr is drawing near.
what should i get him ??
suggestions ok people ??
tag mi tag mi !

and the 3 more siblings, i love you guys.
abg ali, kak ca and kak ija.
thanks for greater bonds.
wont die without one (:
life has to go on. bear in mind, we dont throw u, u choose to walk down the memory lane.

and lastly, after months of not going to school...
finally ive get to catch up things with my school mates.
and i miss them so much
yana, qyum, mimi and lots more.
thanks people :)
you are nvr forgotten.

so talking about life, typical now.
school ):
but ok, i need to buck up for better grades.

ill try my very best to manage my time well now as more tings coming along the way.
meetings, talks, him, pham.
oh gosh.
13 more days, we count down together oke dear?

i love &
miss YOU !

Thought of You @2:30 PM

Wednesday, November 07, 2007'♥

so people have been bargaining me to update y blog.
well, its not that i dont want to but i have nothing to share with you guys.
im soo sorry..

well, the best thing i can say is dat im left with mcq poa and im done with my o level papers.
and im proud to say that i can smile widely like how i used to yesteryear.
and enjoy my life to the fullest.

but now, alot of things happen to my phamily and friends.
and im not happy with how my life is right now.
but aniwae, thanks to your presence, you make me smile.
you make me think better and make a better choice in life.
whats more?
i hate people who is rude to my mother.
i cant accept the fact that this happen to my beloved mother.
she is the only one whom i depend all along.
the only joy in the phamily, the reason to make me smile.
whatever that happen, there are wisdoms behind it and i have to be strong.
i cant afford t go against it and im here to face all the challenges.

currently, im not in mood tright now.
sorry people, i am so down.

something is missing, the love ive been wanting for all these while.
can you give it to me baby?

yana, i mis u alot la.
haiz, i so so cant wait for school to reopen.
and thank god, talking about school, i am going to buck up if not i have to retake all those shit again.
and please, let the result satisfy me cause i want to change school.

im in need of someone to talk to.
or should i just keep quiet and smile like i used to?


Thought of You @5:34 PM


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Republic Polytechnic
Dip. Material Science
A year older on 2508

Sweetest Drug.

Hamirul Hasraff
A Year older on 1010
Since 21.05.05

Mute Mode.

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