Thursday, June 12, 2008'♥
sorri people but this is going to be a long post . if you hate reading , shut it la ! as simple as dat !
tell me how should i react when such things happen ?
should i cry when you were laughing ?
should i think when you were smiling ?
should i tell the truth when you are telling me lies ?
well , i guess i should smile fo it happened at THE least .
and thank god for letting me be strong and giving me the strength to carry on with my life .
i guess im done here , doing wad i can to control everything .
but thanks to that immoral words of yours , im leaving you .
i have my dignity , i have everything that i dont think you have . ((:
i dont love bragging but you love to .
i dont wreck up the past but you do .
i dont shout over the phone but you love to .
and you told me this , ' accept me for who i am '
after 18 months , why not tell me earlier than that ?
erm , i am rilli curious , tell me who can give those indulgence for you ?
even if they tolerate , tell me how long will it last ?
you have been wrecking up the past ; mentioning about me and amir , when i dont do it animore .
ouh , i played behind your back ?
now tell me are you sincere enough in this rship ?
have you been faithful to me in the first place ?
what did you do over in thailand ? what did you do on our first day of relationship ?
' i ingt i tk kekal ngn you , sbb tu i buat gituk ' . ridiculous kn people . now it last till today , how ?
who were you with after the break up ? my own fucking bestfriend !
who were you with when we fight ? who were you talking to till you delete those files in the folder and u suddenly wanna move on badly ? what is that innocent girl picture doing in your phone when you dont have mine at all ? 2 or 3 of her pictures okei , her alone . think ais .
[ i am not blaming the girl , because she noes nothing ]
what kind of excuses you gave me when you were caught red handed , acknowledging her that you have changed no . ? ' i lupe nk sae fila nye no. la . '
so now ...
am i wrong for meeting amir ?
am i wrong for exchanging no. with amir ?
is it wrong for me to go out with amir when you do that to me ?
if you have your intelligent reasons , i have mine too
this is not a retribution but karma . neither do i realise that . my fault ?
people owaes say , blame yourself before others . you make things happen , remember ?
amir told me this
' dont break up with him . endure if you have to . make it last if you still can . dont end every sweet moments you had with him like how you left me '
how good can he be ?
is he bad enuff ?
when he is there considering your feelings and not mine ?
when he gave his point of view as a guy ?
if it is not amir , den to who should i rely on now ?
when you werent there to make me happi ?
you ignore me when im all tear down .
tell me tell me tell me !!!
you force me to do things i cant .
you made me cry and you hang up the phone .
tell me what kind of a boifren are you ?
do i deserve all these ais ?
why are you killing my soft heart slowly and painfully ?
WHY WHY WHY ? have i not been sacrificing enough ?
you told your friend i shouted over the phone .
you told your friend , that i played behind your back .
you told your friend that i suck a lot .
you pretend to be the innocent , you pretend to be faithful , you pretend to be the angel .
when you are just a two faced human being .
and to all fareez azhar's friend/cousin who is reading my blog now , i am not pulling down his pride , but this is the fucking truth ok . all you guys thought it was my fault , you have only been listening to one party .
ade die ckp , he ignore me because he dont like fighting .
now bloggers , you love to fight with your bf/gf ?
no right ?
but if things happen , be it one party starts it or wadeva ,
if you love that person , will you handle it , will you console him/her ?
but ais dont . because the bottom line is he did not love me .
you guys should have read my text .
all the three words he uttered every night was all fake .
'i force myself to love , and i manage it in the end '
i thought love cant be force , it will come naturally ? but why is he forcing himself ?
now that is ridiculous !
ill stop here , because it is endless .
and to people whom i have mention in this blog , besides him , i am sorry but i just want you to know wads deep down in my heart . telling him face to face wont work . and i have no other choices left but to do this . i know , you will realise after you read this .
im not going to leave until you are done with me . - now i realised the reasons as to why you said that to me whenever we fought . i am done with you now , you can take you steps .
unpredictable ! - that was what your friend told me .
