Monday, May 28, 2007'♥
updates!
hey peeps!
it has been a wonderful weekend for me.
i enjoyed myself.
our 6 months anniversary was great though i thought it's the end of us.
he msged me asking for a break.
and i sacrifice everything hoping that one day he'll realise his mistakes.
i was so demoralised by his words. but i force myself to be strong.
and i let him go.
i cant force him ryte, can i?
so i cried and sing few songs, reminiscing the past; our memories.
it was a terribl breakdown for me.
haish
and he called me right after his match.
and apologised for his words.
i close one eye.
and i dont wish to spoil it any longer thinking that it is our 6 months.
and we took pictures and had our dinner at KFC.
we tour ard at carrefour and i bumped into Boon Gay.
said hi and we did a little bit of conversation.
and walk off to marina
bought cigarettes cause both of us are craving for ciggys.
isk.
and went back to his homies.
i find it stupid later on sunday.
i picked up the courage to tel him off face-to-face.
that we need to go seperate ways.
it isnt because i dont love him anymore.
but is just the way he treats me sucks big time.
i couldnt tolerate anymore beautiful scene of his.
cause it creates a pressure and a burden to me.
so it is best that we go seperate ways.
i still love him but is just his words makes me think deeply.
and his words left me in doubts whether he truly, madly and deeply in love with me.
so better to keep things this way.
cause i just cant stand all these animore.
i was hoping that he will change one day.
and i was hoping that he will realise one day.
i just want to make him think before he say.
i need a life man here!
i wanna blast off!
till here my post.
ill post ard when theres something great happen.
cause i hate saying things when im sad
and my bloggy will sound so dull.
same, im not going to talk about my typical life.
going to skool and stuff.
better keep things this way.
ill just post when there is a need to.
to blog-hoppers im sorry if i didnt meet ur demand.
i dont find a need to blogg animore.
i deserve a smile for what ever shit is happening between us.
dont tell mi that im ungrateful.
i dont like showing people how sad am i.
it is best to keep things within my heart.
no one will know the problem im facing right now.
to syareez, say that a goodbye.
it is the end of us.
keep others as memories between us.
im not throwing it away.
but i couldnt stand the pain.
we end our rship here.
6 months and a dae.
till here then
take care peeps.
Thought of You @2:34 PM
Friday, May 25, 2007'♥
updates!
hey there peeps.
well, let me summarise up what happen yesterday.
basically, nothing much.
i went off to my sister's house after skool.
do a lil bit of studyin and teaching.
had my dinner, transferring songs and i reached home at only 11.
todae lesson was not that bad though the facy is so freaking long-winded.
freaking hell!she was commenting like my team did not aswer the question
moreover, from my acknowledgement.
it depends on how we interpret the question.
and it is an open answer. it depends on how we want to look at it and argue about it.
okok, stop it. i dont want to talk about it.
that fucking faci realli gets on my nerve.
shes pissing me off.
ok dats about it.
I SO SO cant wait to meet my dear ais!
ive not been meeting him for two days.
and i miss him badly.
please let the clock tick fast.
it is really an even that i look forward to.
hoping that today is a well-spend day.
i missh you badly la.
okok, i guess ill stop here.
im off to meet him.
=)
p/s: dear, ure getting suweet as the days goes by.
you make me melt with your words.
cheh2.
haha.
i love you la biby!
tomorrow is our half-year anniversary
i cant wait to cham-whore with you.
yey!
Thought of You @5:32 PM
Wednesday, May 23, 2007'♥
hey there peeps.
i kinda miss ranting.
its been so long since i last chanting in my blogg.
and yesterday, i was realli2 busy.
with my module and IG.
anywae, i have a great time during class and IG. =)
we took pictures here and there during break.
with the whole class i should say.
and i made new frens with the IG peeps.
amir, azhar, raihan and loads more.
im so into my IG.
im loking forward to the performances.
yea!
and mind you; this amir ryte, his looks is the same as fareez.
and i cant stop looking at him.
it just reminds me of my boifren. i mish him.
singing and singing and i reach home at 9.
hah! awesome.
and im waiting for my boyfriend to reach home.
kinda worri.
but nemind.
he just wont listen to me.
its okei.
i have to take things slow.
and yea.
i have photosop in my lappy.
but kinda forget how to use it.
a beginner in it.
i need an expert.
you know what i mean.
ehem.
haha
crap sia.
okok.
ill just upload some pitures to summarise what have i have done yesterday.
the malay peeps in w14k.
4/5 of w14k.
pictures edited using photoshop.
still new mah
haha.
bye.
mish mi hor!
Thought of You @11:28 AM
Monday, May 21, 2007'♥
hey there peeps.
here i am again after disappearing during the weekends.
hah!
my net is down at home so cant rant.
i can only have my say during the weekdaes, during my second break.
well peeps.
this is going to be a long post.
so hope you guys can bear with it.
if not, dont hesitate, u can close whenever boredom strikes you aite.
happy reading.
so here it goes!
lets start off with saturday.
i was at home almost half of the day.
then he called me up, saying that hes coming down to meet me up.
i was so happy because i miss him like crazy.
he came then we play comp at macdnald.
after which, i went back home to put my stuff.
den back down again to watch soccer.
man u vs chelsea.
ive been sitting at the coffeeshop with him for a solid two hours.
and to our disappointment, chelsea won.
well, its ok. maybe they deserve it.
i dont know.
so no bus cos clock strikes 12.
he overnight at my house.
i was happy.
on sunday:
my mother made a tea for him.
and heat up pizza for him.
he was so quiet.
i dont know y.
in the afternoon, he went off.
i sense something is not right.
but its okie. i try to keep it low.
dont wish to rebel you see.
as time passes by, he ask me out to the library.
jsut because of a minor thingy, he create a disaster out of it.
he went out.
and i sacrifice by making my wae to the lib to search for him.
and im telling u, i cry like a baby who lost his/her parents.
i gave up.
i went to his void deck.
i was hoping to let him realise how worried i am.
but the moment he saw me, he's like scolding me.
and we sat down at a place.
and he ask me to foget about him
how can that be?
im so disappointed.
and i cry like a piece of shit.
he said he needs a time off.
ok, let it be.
i cried like hell.
then i went near my house and sit.
and think.
i dont wish to go back home with tears rolling down my cheeks.
i dont wish my mom to see it.
cos shell start asking me lots of questions.
she will be sad if ais is no more there.
and now, im left clueless.
hoping this heart will heal soon.
its a severe breakdown.
theres no way for me to smile again.
please, find a way out.
counting down to this saturdae, marks our alf-a-yr anniversary.
though its still growing, im proud of it uh.
ive learnt alot in this relationship.
to whom it may concern :
GDLUCK! pray hard. ull pass!
ps : i love you =)
holding back those tears.
that smile is full of sorrows.
please bring back those happiness in my life again.
depression, syareez aka shaheda aka syareda
cause my heart is in the same old condition that baby i did
and i
i apologise for making you cry
took me in my eyes, and promise me you wont do me the same
Thought of You @2:02 PM
Thursday, May 17, 2007'♥
updates!
thursdae will only be the best day in rp.
because im having communication.and the faci is so out-going.
only that we're doing two presentation which is different from other modules.
but aniwaes, its great.
is just that the question is quite toungh
i dont know how to interpret it.
just give me a one line sentence and ask my teammates to do the rest.
aniwae, its manageable.
thanks to my teammates. =)
btw, my faci keeps on poking me during his lesson.
he alwaes ask mi questions.
not now, but since the last 4 modules.
well, this is kinda weird.
there are 25 students but why would he always ask mi?
kinda weird.
and im scared. =z
nothing much to brood about.just feel like blogging.
i was a lil bit for class just now.
and we're havin a UT test : enterprise.
i love the sub but i hate the faci she is old and so long-winded.
she keeps on going round and round but there seems no objective.
and one more thing.
my computer is down.
so have to do via paper.
isk.
wad sei lappy.
so bad.
and i was hoping that the marker can mark my paper without having any headache.
cause i scribble throughout my answers.
and yea yea.
i was hoping that my ais will be able to make it today.
if he ever cancel today, im gonna strangle him.
and i am missing him badly right now.
attending tea party later.
for replug IG.
yey!im gona have some fun.
and im mitting him up soon.
so please let the clock ticks fast.
because i cant wait to meet him.
Thought of You @4:08 PM
Wednesday, May 16, 2007'♥
update!
hey there peeps.
things has gone absolutely superb!
ive got a great news.
and that is..
ME AND HIM ARE BACK TOGETHER!!
im happi, esctatic, high-spirited etc!
smiles are all written over my face.
no word in the dictionary can describe to YOU how happy am i.
to get him back in my life.
so here is what happen yesterday.
we broke off.
and i was crying like a piece of shit in class.
all my classmates were looking at me.
so paisey lei.
so this is what i intend to do.
i msged him, kinda strict i guess, saying that i wanna mit him and talk things out.
okok.
he agreed.
and i said 630.
when ive reached home.
put my bag and straight away i went out to meet him.
when ive already hop on the bus, he msged me saying that he wanted to mit at 730.
how bad is that?
and moreover he is at causeway pt with his friends slacking.
i donno wads exactly in his mind.
we were fighting and he still afford to go out and have fun.
omg!
and im telling you im so so sad.
ok forget about that.
i said im on my way.
but he didnt reply. so i was expecting him to move and mit mi up.
but but but.
the moment i reached there, he was still at cozwae pt.
and im telling u i suffered for an hour.
i cried alot.
so when he came, i still afford to smile though deep down in my heart, it is swollen.
so the first thing i asked when we sat down.
why you ask for a break.
and he look down, staring at a blank space.
and i keep on talking.
words that require him to think.
we laugh here and there though.
we just couldnt get ourselves serious you see.
der is like a commercial break uh.
den serious again.
so, we found out a solution.
he turn to me.
look into mi eyes.
and im telling you, he cried.
his eyes were watery.
he hold my hands.
and look into my eyes.
and apologise
promises were told off by him.
and i apologised to him too.
for both were at fault.
i know i must be wrong somewhere but he told me i didnt.
you see, how great is he.
we hug.
and i he put me to tears.
dear, i hope you realli mean what uve said k?
please please please.
i love just the wae we are now?
do you feel the love now?
i do, did you?
and yana yana yana. ive got to tell you this.
thanks for your advised.
its greatly appreciated.
i love it so much.
but i mish you lei.
nobody to fool ard with.
yea yea.
so u must come tomolo!
tomolo ut ENTERPRISE? urgh~
we crap together kies?
haha
bye.
dont mish me too.
lol =)
p/s : baby, im missing you badly now.
i need a cuddle here.
Thought of You @3:34 PM
Tuesday, May 15, 2007'♥
hey there peeps.
i managed to finish up my UT test.
quite easy.
plus, not much short answer, but more of multiple choice.
i did revise you know.
but kinda last minutes la.
but, its done, so no point talking about it.
and today module is fun.
i enjoyed the problem for the day.
as im halfwae through my slides and discussions, someone pull mi down
terribly down.
i broke up with him.
seriously.
this aint a joke.
im rili2 down
all ive got to sae is to myself and love : FUCK!
its truly unfair
he didnt even give me the chance to amend everithing back again.
but he just walk away
omg.
severe depression
anguished
tormented
sorrowness
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
i hate this feeling.
when someone u love left.
and will nvr turn back.
is this a retribution?
for wad ive done to amir?
maybe.
i donno.
whatever it is.
no point recreating the past.
ill have to move on.
but i cant
this love is bugging me.
oh GOD.
please la.
ya allah.
and im missing him badly sia
omg
i just couldnt think straight
bie.
we have to meet up and talk.
we have to.
ill do anithing in order not to end this relationship.
ill give you thousands of reasons to make you stay.
Thought of You @1:31 PM
Monday, May 14, 2007'♥
hey there peeps.
kinda bored in class so decided to rant.
just to kill the time man.
yea yea! and im having my audition later
.duet with yana2. ready yana? LETS GO.
ok, im afraid im not going to sing well.
cmon uh, in front of judges who is not my friend.
but, ill try my best.
hey, doubts are still in my head.
what ever it is, i dont want to face all these!
im still young and couldnt bear to face such a big responsibility.
what is exactly on my mind?
please, throw all these negative stuff from my head.
and GOD please make it happen.
i mean what ive been wanting.
okok, i dont wanna talk and dwell about itjust have to bite on my fingernails and wait for the time to come.
and yea! dats the end for today!
tomolo ill have to turn on my hyperactive mode ON!
im gonna blast off tomolo!!
me and dear ais planned to watch jangan pandang blakang [dont look back] movie at marina.
only if he finishes his soccer fast.
we had a terrible misundertsanding..
and now we're okie.
and yea yea! im mitting him later soon!
so hope..tick, tick, tick.
there goes the time.
turn it to 8 and he'll be there.
and i miss you terribly la..
baby ais.
im really sorry for hurting you every now and then.
i know.
you can put the blame on me.
i didnt change.
i didnt understand your lifestyle.
i noe im too demanding.
and you cant fulfill it.
despite that, you nvr fail to turn to me when you're free.
you make the effort to msg mi every nite, after an intensive training.
you sacrfice alot.
i just dont see it.
and now, ive realised.
and i wanted to let you go.
its not because i dont love you.
but i have to for the sake of your happiness and im BAD.
im the one who is so self-centred.
just think about myself.but u insisted.
you still want to be with me.
i looked down on myself.
for hurting a guy like you.
who dont deserve to be treated that way.
and i know u deserve someone better.
but u turn to me, comfort me, wipe all my tears and ask to start our life together again; anew.
i respected you for who you are.
i love you more than anithing in the world.
i didnt want to be with you because of fame, but more of who you are.
and now, i want to make a public apology to my dear2 ais because my attitude sucks big time!
im so so sorry.
ill be on my two feet.
and i have to start thinking like a young adult.
and i do want to uphold our relationship.
if i want to go far with ayg..
i would better think about you.
and together we mould our future.
forever yours ill be baby.
i hearts you!
you are the only that is in my heart.
now, tomorrow, nxt week, nxt month, nxt year!
insya'allah
may God Almighty bless our relationship.
not forgetting both our parents.
insya'allah.
Thought of You @2:38 PM
Thursday, May 10, 2007'♥
hey there im back.
after two days of not posting. kinda mish my bloggy. hehs
i was so frustrated with my bloggy.
i was ranting. upon publishing, the whole thing was hanged and wadeva shit ive vommitted inside was LOST!
damn.
i type. squeezing my head on what to talk about.
and all my effort goes down the drain.
ok, shut it off. no point complaining about it when its over.
anyway, i missed school yesterday.
i stayed at home the whole day sleeping, watching tv and do little bit of studying.
i have a bit of misunderstanding with him.
but it turn out to be just fine after that.
i studies maths and physics yesterday.
did tys. wow! for the first time ever, i can undersand better.
but seriously, i rest more than i study.
there are lots of temptation at home.
i keep on lying on the bes, watch tv, munching on biscuits.
there are always things that keeps mi going.
i had a nice time smsing with him.
after so long of not interacting well with him.
i missh him so much.
serious
and im dying to mit him soon.
he is busy with his soccer and i understand that.
kinda used to it.
hoping to watch that shrek 3.
when will it be released gv?\
my dear2 ais is craving for it.
and i miss those times.
we're like so occupied with our stuff till got no time to watch movie.
have fun together.
and ya, i was hoping to watch his next game. though last week's one was postponed.
i wanna watch it!
but so far sey. at bedok ite.
moreover,i have no idea where that place is located.
haha
ps : ais, i will always love you no matter how busy you are.
todays ut crap alot.
i did anyhow.
i dont how to put my answers to words.
i wrote it anyhow.
to whoever who is marking mine, please try ur best to understand what i mean aite.
haha
i managed to attempt all aniwae.
today lesson is average lei.
Thought of You @12:22 PM
Monday, May 07, 2007'♥
hey there peeps.
im gonna rant a long post.
so hope you guys bear with me.
otherwise, feel free to click on the top right hand box.
the one with an 'x'! =) teehee.
on saturday.
i keep on crying because he didnt even call me.
i sat at home, lying beside my phone, waiting for my msg tone.
but there seems nothing.
i keep on enduring. more tears running down my cheeks.
i had my lunch, and cool myself down.
i went to my room and have a nap.
woke up at 5. i left my phone in the room, silent.
5.30. went to the toilet. oni to get to know that when i came back, he msged me.
i was so happy and thanking GOD.
mit him up and we were so solemn.
we sound so serious in our speech.
but then, on our way to esplanade, in the mrt.
he kissed me, and both were laughing awae.
wad a dae=)
met up with my gengs at esplanade.
though it was a short outing, it was great though.
sundae.
it was awesome!
soething cocked mi up at the very last mins.
sori.
mit him up at jurong east interchange.
and both of us headed to east coast park to meet up with lyana and her boifie..
it was great.
we swim here and there, we played monopoly. swim again.
now thats our day.
all of us were shagged.
i had a sunburnt on my face.
dammit
it was a splendid day with them.
and that creates a tighter bonding btwn me and lyana.
tanx girl for the plan even though its kinda last mins.
u made my dae.
ps: we should have cam-whoring.
dammit.
only if i knew,i wud bring my digi-cam.
todaes lesson sux. i dont wish to come to skool todae.
but i force myself, dragging my foot to skool.
aniwae, i tried my very best to absorb as much knoeledge as i can.
pattern and more pattern. it seems so weird.
ok, gtg. have to do my presentation.
update soon....!!
ps: im looking forward to meet my dearie todae.
miss u darl.
im smiling from ear to ear.
i donno wad to talk about but i just feel like typing.
im so devoted to fareez azhar.
im so devoted to fareez azhar.
im so devoted to fareez azhar.
amor-no-es-amor.
Thought of You @9:53 AM
Friday, May 04, 2007'♥
im in the class right now.
im feeling so low-spirited due to wad had happened yesterday night.
neither can i believe wad had happened.
it is truly disappointing.
maybe its too personal, that i dont feel like sharing it to the public.
but anw, i cried last night. i couldnt accept the fact that it happen.
and he really did it.
my life is filled with wrath.
sorrows written all over my face.
tears rolled down my cheeks and i did not had a great rest yesterday.
i havent had enough of him and im not giving up.
we're 5 months down the road and im not going to throw it awae just like dat.
but please for once!!
spare a thought for your girfren here!
and i want u to think!!
think about the consequences that ure gonna face if you do it.
have you ever wonder why i didnt want to scold you?
matter of fact, WHY i dont wish to scold you?
why i quit smoking?
why im trying not to hurl vulgarities at you?
WHY? WHY? WHY?
because i love you!!!!
and i hate just because of the little shit, we make a big disaster to our r'ship!!
omg!!
YOU ARE REALI PISSING ME OFF!!!
LIFE IS NEVER FAIR!! I KNEW IT!!
BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH!!
DONT I DESERVE THAT HAPPINESS IN LIFE?
WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN?
DO I LOOK LIKE A PROBLEM-SOLVER?
I HAVE TOO MUCH THING TO THINK OF
PLEASE!!!
SPARE A TOT!!
IM NOT BEING TOO DEMANDING.
IM ONLY ASKING THESE SINCERITY AND HONESTY IN OUR RELATIONSHIP
THAT IS ALL!!!!
think la ais, ure big Enough though.
dont expect me to teach every single thing about r'ship.
what if i do that to you?
how do you feel?
you want a time off?
is it because ure guilty?
huh?
okok, ill try to understand you now.
u can have it ok?
get back to mi wen ure ok oredi.
i tink i deserve a time off too.
i had enuff of letting out my frustrations.
enuff for todae.
bring that smile back on my face.
as ive promised, ill come over tml to give u moral support.
you take care!
bye.
im in deep depression.
i hate this to happen. and now, ive let off all my anger.
dammit. i hate my own attitude.
i hate scolding people.
if u ever were to drop by at y blogg, dont get offended by my words.
coz DAT IS SO NOT ME!
IVE GOT THIS ICE BOX WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
IM SO COLD.
Thought of You @10:17 AM
Thursday, May 03, 2007'♥
oh my gosh!
today sucks alot.
im not in the mood to laugh.
F**KING hell.
my mind wasnt in class.
i dont participate in class.
i feel like dropping to my knees and cry my lungs out.
i did badly for my presentation.
faci is putting pressure on me.
he keep on asking me question when my mind is not in class.
he even warn mi that he'll ponder me during lesson.
what was his intention?
im trying my best to create a positive thinking but there seems no encouragement.
i want to meet u but
i dont wish to spoil ur day today.
i know ure tired with ur training.
so, i want u to rest.
and get urself ready for the upcoming game.
im coming to watch you play.
insya'allah.
please someone, cheer myself up today.
why am i so moody today?
pms? nahh, i dont think so.
i just dont see the idea..
my teammates were not working together.
they are creating pressure on me.
they didnt play their part.
especially this particular guy.
he was so SEBOK with his laptop that he didnt come up with any idea.
wad the hell.
and all he did was apologised to me.
omg!
how can that be?
im trying my best to cheer myself up.
i dont wish to scold my own classmates.
they are gg to be with me for 3 months.
i want a tighter bonding with you guys.
im out of the world.
fly me to a place where i can have a peace of mind!
Labels: the arena
Thought of You @3:18 PM
Wednesday, May 02, 2007'♥
hey hey hey!
im in class ryt now.
Faci is bombarding keypoints and im not absorbing.
im down with myh own stuff.
blogging and chatting.
i have to be proud when i said this.
IM NOT stress when attempting that BOUNCING BOX
i can attempt 3/5 of it.
where the rest of the code, we copy paste.
haha
it was great.
borrowing that book from the library is of no use.
didnt look thru the book anw.
stupid sia, waster of time only.
im heading off to the library later; ALONE.
to return my books and borrow 2 or 3.
my ais wanna read deception point-dan brown.
so, im gonna make a lil sacrifice by trying to find that book and lend it to him.=)
anw, ive changed my blogskin.
mine is the same as lyana.
hehe, onli that i edit some stuff.
yana: gurl, thanks for that pic editing
it is just so nice.. appreciate your effort..!!
shes a great peep..!!
she loves to criticise alot just like mi too.=)
its great to hang out with her.
both currently attached to footballer.
shes great!!
im happi to have a friend like her.
hope our friendship remains.
ais2, im so devoted to you now.
uve lighten my soul.
ure absolutely awesome.
i love u more each day.
hoping to be with you till eternity.
hearts you loads dear.
anw, i miss my hong kah peeps
when are we going out again?
i miss those times when we go escape and watch movies and towning.
please please please. im missing you guys terribly.
fila, plan la dei.
hafiz, where r u?
mane menghilang sei?
urgh~!!
i miss u guys so much.
beep mi up as soon as possible.
okok?
bye2
Thought of You @4:04 PM
'♥
lyana has sent mi an email which is kinda true to me.
ive read thru between me and him and it sounds so true.
here is some stuff dat i can share with u.
only if you want to.
Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder, people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-togethers. However, you are sensitive, which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!
Is your birthday day 25 of the month?
Your Life
You are a warrior. No obstacle can stop you from reaching your goal. You always keep yourself busy. This quality plus your responsibility will eventually bring you success.
Your Love
You adore your partner as the number one priority. You value your love one more than yourself. Your love is the greatest of all and your have potential to get married young.
You are realistic, confident, happy, and talented in education, music, art, singing, and most importantly in acting. You also have a bad temper! You value your family status a lot; you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a guy you are popular with girls. Most of the number 7s faces lots of problems with their married life. Only a few are happy. You have everything in your life but with worries throughout your lifetime. You need to get ready looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don't, then you might end-up being single. You are born to contribute to everyone's joy.
dats all for me.
but anw, im not going to believe eveything esp about love.
it sounds so fake sia.
Thought of You @3:55 PM
